Will I love him enough, I wonder? Will I sing to his soul? Will I simply be enough?
I am preparing for marriage. To my best friend. To my favourite person. To the one I am certain the Lord has purposed me for. And I wonder if I will love him enough? Which becomes – will he love me enough? The way we feel now, will it always be this way?
I can’t love him enough. And he can’t love me enough. And no we won’t always feel this way. This way is the way of dating to ‘I-do’ in 14 months. This way is already rife with me failing, and him failing, and us failing. This way is already filled with stumbling and mistake-making and falling down.
But it is also filled with apologies and forgiveness and humility. It is overflowing with grace and abundant in mercy. We cannot love each other enough – we can always love more. But God, the one who fashioned us for each other, the Creator who dreamed us to be, the Abba who knows his children so well he had us friends for years before we became each other’s partner, God knew. And God loves us exactly enough.
God’s model for marriage – our Saviour and his church – what kind of love is that? What kind of compassion and humility and strength and perseverance and selflessness does that require? How can we ever hope to even be a shadow of our Saviour?
As I run over this in my mind, falling asleep alone for one of the last times, I am reminded that embracing this model does not mean that we will get it right. Embracing this model means that we will do so by faith. That our God will reach down and help us up when we stumble and fall.
That we will rely on humility and grace and mercy again, and again, and again.
How to reflect the love of Jesus to my husband? How can we love each other well enough to proclaim the love to Christ to the world? I don’t really know. Except that I know that God knows. That submitting our will to His, and seeking His desire for our marriage in prayer, will be the only way we can ever hope to love enough.
To be enough.
By Brie, On a Wing and a PrayerLeave a Comment