Don’t look at me. Or if you do, don’t see me. Let me rise, invisible before your eyes. Let me be just vapor, just wind. Let me be but a breath of silence. A whisper. Insignificant.
When you look at me, see Him.
When the work of my hands is kindness, it is His work. When the soul I carry meets with yours, overlaps and comforts you, let it be His soul. When you look at my life, see Him. See Him in my eyes, in my words, and in my works.
If my words please you, they are His.
If they give comfort or joy, if they make you laugh, if they humble you or move you to tears, it is Him. It is always Him.
For I live for Him. I am His, to do with. He has pulled me from the fire I set, given me a place on this earth when I didn’t know if I ever would have one again. He has set me in my world to do His work with love and with care. He has sent me to be yours, to be your ear and your help and your love.
He has healed me.
The wounds that were created by other’s hands have been knit under His hands, and the bones broken set right. All the destroyed cities in my mind have been raised back up to beauty. The words that broke me have no power anymore. They are whispers against the symphony of His love.
So hear me now, friend. I feel your wounds. I know the pain that has driven you. I know the heartwrenching sadness and loneliness. I know. I have lived in it like a sea, cold and murky around me. I have lived in it like a fire, burned and betrayed. I have been left. I have been abandoned. I have been lost and forgotten.
But He is. And because He is, I am here.
His dwelling was not born into me, bred into me, beat into me. It was a journey, begun in halting steps. It was a dance, back and forth and back again. It was a leap out onto faith that hurt. It hurt to trust. It hurt to give my heart to something I couldn’t see.
But on a cold morning with winter sun beating onto my back, it was created. I sat under the statue of Saint Mary and cried. My body ached from blows. Blood was dried on my arms, my face. My tears were warm and then cold. They fell onto my folded hands. They fell to the marble floor. My face turned up as my heart broke. I had no words for what I needed. I simply needed to not be alone anymore.
And then…
He was. He was there.
He came to me in warmth and scent and comfort. My bruises and blood faded. I felt Him. I felt His arms. I heard His words soft against my ear. I heard His promises. It was not that Iwould never hurt again. It was that in all of it, I would never walk alone again.
I have run from Him. I have walked away. I have been angry, have raged. I have shouted. I have sat in silence and ignored His voice.
And always, He has been.
So look at me. Read my words. But don’t see me.
See Him.
By Bella, It Coulda Been Worse
Leave a Comment
Kristi says
So beautiful. See Him….I think that will be my mantra for today. Thank you!
Be blessed~
Kristi
Jess says
Absolutely amazing. Thank you.
Kris says
Excellent, thank you for this!
JennaFarelyn says
This is so powerful, thank you for pouring our your heart.
April says
How inspiring! Your writing is moving and so beautiful. I wish everyone could feel His presence the way that you do!!
MARY PETERSEN says
Oh my gosh, this is just the best, I read this and realize what talent TearSa has! Did I know that, YES she is my daughter! She walks in my shoes every day and yet with her
writing she helps and heals me. These words can take you to a place you might never have been before and give you something you also might never have had, a peace in
your heart! Tell me more little one. Love Mom
Lisa says
TearSa, that is so beautiful. You have a real gift.
Christine says
TearSa is my cousin, and I really don’t know her that well, however, it appears that she has talent our family is know for. Well done TearSa.
Ivy says
Very beautiful . . . . I have read it twice now. There is so much truth in what you have written. We all need to live by these words and remember it’s not about us but all about HIM. Great work!
Mary P’s friend.
Bettye Weihs says
Beautiful as always! Look forward to reading more! I think, I , too, will make that my motto!
Amy says
Since I’ve walked my own life under His majestic Hand, I know that the words you chose came at a tremendous sacrifice – truly not what you would have wanted, but ugly that He made beautiful. It takes the faith He gives us, plus trust and obedience…and just pure clinging…to get to the point where you’re at in your words. To say that you know He is *good* even in the ugly…He is always good…and He is in it all…that’s such worship.
Such beautiful writing. Truly, beautiful! You have so much heart to write…such a story of Grace to be shared.
Rich blessings…
Holley Gerth says
Yes, ma’am, we’re meant to be mirrors–people look at us and see Him instead, just as you said. Thanks for the beautiful reminder. {And when He looks at you, oh, He sees something really wonderful}.
PJ says
Thank you for giving voice to a thought I parceled so very un-eloquently this very morning. A beautiful post!
angie smith says
beautifully said, friend….
🙂
with love,
angie
Hilary says
BEAUTIFUL writing, BEAUTIFUL woman. You have blessed me with this!
Katie @ Imperfect People says
This is beautiful.
Bella says
I cannot express how thankful I am for the comments on my post. You women are amazing, and a testament to the One you follow.
And I must say, when I saw Angie Smith had commented, I reacted like I was 12 and seeing New Kids on the Block. No joke. I squealed, clapped, and danced. Ahem. Apparently there is no dignity when your hero recognizes your work. 😀
Thank you again for the love and support. I do not take for granted even one word.
Bella