First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage…
It’s a funny thing when you unknowingly allow a silly nursery rhyme to shape the expectations of your life. After a year and half of marriage when Kevin & I began to desire a little one, we figured we wouldn’t be any different from the slew of other newly-weds we knew who were decorating nurseries and studying birthing techniques. But in our case, neither my childhood imagination nor my college-educated reasoning could predict that life would take a drastic divergence.
After year one, year two, and going on year three of trying to conceive, we realized that it’s not as simple as a song-and-dance to go from a family of two to a family of three. We’ve grieved the loss of two unborn babies, who are just a thought away from me.
But our adoption journey isn’t only a story of loss; it’s a story of great gain.
Before adoption can be considered a gain, we have to see the reality of its origins: a fallen and broken situation. Ideally, every couple should be able to enjoy the fruits of conception. Ideally, parents should be able to care for and be outlived by their children without the evil interference of disease. But we don’t live in an ideal world. We live in a world ransacked and marred by the effects of sin. Effects that end lives prematurely, leaving defenseless babies alone in the world. Effects that keep hopeful mothers from feeling the first butterfly flutters from within her womb.
Our struggles to conceive are not the primary reason we’ve chosen to adopt, as if a biological child is our best and only option and anything else is just Plan B. We’ve always loved the idea of adoption and knew it would eventually weave its way into the fabric of our family. Ever since Max from the Ukraine served as ring-bearer in our wedding; ever since we gathered at the airport to welcome William & James home from Vietnam; ever since we prayed for little Ethiopians Elijah, Meseret, Benjamin and Asher to join their forever families. Ever since those kids left indelible marks on our lives, we knew.
But the most important reason that we desire to bring children that have no biological connection to us into our home is because we ourselves have been adopted. Long, long ago, into a dead, lost world burst a beam of hope: a perfect father who paid a great price to bring strangers into his family. The father is God; the price is Jesus’ precious blood shed for our sin; the strangers are us. An inextricable relationship exists between the gospel and adoption. To put it simply, the gospel is the foundation of adoption; adoption is but one of the foundations of the gospel.
So maybe my life isn’t such a divergence after all. Maybe my life fits into the sing-song tale after all. There will be a baby in the baby carriage! Thankfully, our God is not a God of my “expectations.” He is the God of more than I could ask or imagine. Adoption first and foremost blessed me by bringing me into the family of God. Soon enough, it will bless me again by bringing me into the role of mother. Along the way, as more expectations fall as casualties to the wisdom of God, I hope to gain not only a few notches on my mommy belt but a better understanding of the mystery that informs all of life: the beauty of the gospel of Jesus.
By BeckytheExpat, A Peek at the Peeks
hi there! i feel like yelling, ”A-men sister!” from my study in this little corner of the world. i have felt the same about adoption and hope/pray that that will be a possibility for us one day. i love how you titled this post as that is so apt. you’ve said something i’ve been wanting to express for a while but don’t know if i couldn’t have said it quite so precisely. thanks for sharing!
Robin ~ PENSIEVE says
“as more expectations fall as casualties to the wisdom of God…”
Though your entire post is love, THAT is my favorite line! God’s wisdom IS what aligns our expectation rightly :).
The beauty of adoption, as you’ve put it so well, is to understand that is our position in Christ :). That simply magnifies its beauty when you follow after God’s example.
Thanks for contributing today, Becky!
Holley Gerth says
Beautiful perspective, Becky! Praying for the child God has for you–what a blessing to be given a mama with a heart like yours!
Adoption Is Not Plan B « A Quiet Heart says
[…] a moment and go read this article on (in)courage today! I could have written it, but she says it so much better than I could. […]
Leslie Knight says
I love this!
My husband and I have discussed children a lot recently. I work as a social worker, and he currently works for the YWCA. He has also worked at group homes and in-patient facilities for children. So we see the need for safe homes on a daily basis. We both have hearts for adoption and for caring for children that others may not want. We don’t know if I can or can’t have children, but we feel called to adopt and have almost fully committed to not trying to have any of our own children but to only adopt. It’s heavily on our hearts.
I hope to read more about your adoption story!
Joanne Sher says
What a beautiful post. Thank you for this.
Thank you!!! You have put into words what I have often thought! My hubby and I are just starting on our journey of adoption. We are super excited (but currently waiting for our agency… and trying to decide what steps to take next). After dealing with infertility as well, and deciding that adoption is God’s plan for our family, I truly believe it is our Plan A as well. So thank you for putting this into words!! I hope those that don’t understand the miracle of adoption, understand just a bit more.
How true!! We are on a similar journey and haver been amazed at both the positive and negative comments we have received. Blessings to you!
I Live in an Antbed says
The Lord will bless you as you bless a child in need of a family. We know. He has blessed us through our two Siberian sons. 🙂
so glad to hear how your story is touching many lives – and, the story is just beginning! =) Praise be to God for your testimony!
“So maybe my life isn’t such a divergence after all.” …love this.
Your story is beautiful.
Congratulations on your new little guys. From experience, two little ones from Ethiopia are much better than one!
Ashley Wells says
Thank you for sharing your heart! As we have been struggling to conceive for many years, God has helped me realize that His plans are so much better than mine. I cannot wait to see all the joy God brings through our life, through His Plan A for us, adoption!
Ashley Wells says
Just realized when I went to your blog that you are the Peeks who are from Clifton. We go to Clifton and I have been praying for you and your family!!!
Beautiful post! When I saw the title of your blog, I thought it sounded familiar. I believe your Kevin is the brother of my good friend. Small world.
Weekend links-June 24 « Tapestry Adoption Ministry says
[…] (in)courage: Adoption is Not Plan B. “But the most important reason that we desire to bring children that have no biological […]