“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” ~ Robert Frost
I had the best time in my life on our first date.
Pizza and a movie sounded so adolescent, I was caught off guard by how much more I wanted of our conversation. How much more I was curious about him.
Like a battle weary veteran, I was well versed in stealing away the spontaneity of attraction.
This is probably just all much ado about nothing.
Kinda like going to watch a B-rated movie.
When I set my expectations low, the flick turns out a lot better than imagined.
Problem was, this time I really wanted him to like me.
The Dumbest Thing
I wasn’t gonna let lightning strike twice.
I’d been burned before, and I had the char marks on my overdone romantic history to prove it.
Don’t get me wrong. I love watching chick-flicks. But getting my romantic hopes up felt like eating those ice cream fat-cubed bon bons. A few are good for entertainment, but hold onto them too long — and you’ll end up with a tummy full of regret and the day after, a size too big to inhale into those skinny jeans.
So, the next day when Prince Charming called to invite me over to his place for dinner, I was ready to skip the fairytale and get to The End.
I let out a friendly chuckle and assured him I had a great time last night, but maybe things were going a little too fast?
“Could we just get to know each other as friends more… Group date?”
Silence.
He didn’t want to group date.
We hung up cordial, telling each other see you later that Friday night at church.
I’m not sure what compelled me to pick up the phone 30 minutes later. Probably it was my girlfriend down in LA who was threatening to fly up and kill me, if I didn’t call him back.
The heart that had learned so well to protect itself over the years tugged at me — for the chance to love — even if it would break again.
I was ready to do the dumbest thing I hadn’t done in forever.
The Place In The Open
I stepped out into the open — even if it meant lightning might strike.
Quite honestly, I was torn. By 1% margin, I took the dare.
It wasn’t the last time I’d try to sabotage the fairytale. I had to continually push myself out there.
Out in the open, I’m exposed. What if I ended up liking him more than he liked me?
The flip side drew me out. But what if I was entering into a new story with him?
This question took me to the place in the open, where I was vulnerable to get hurt. In the hollow of those echo-filled nights, I shared my most intimate conversations with my heart and with God.
The scary thing is the Behind-The-Scenes story that my Prince Charming tells me today about that fateful conversation.
He respected me so much, he was really going to treat me like a friend after that phone call. And consider the door that I had just closed, shut.
You see, he didn’t want lightning to strike twice either.
~~~~~
Everyone after all, is hesitant to move out into the open. When two people are willing to take a risk, there can be rejection.
As for me, I went on to marry that sweet fellow, who made me teriyaki chicken with microwaved edaname for appetizer that night at his apartment.
God hasn’t stopped calling out to me, to run further into those open places.
He wants me vulnerable, even as I fear rejection, feeling unworthy, and downright protective.
Single or married — If you’re standing under the shade of safety like me, but looking longingly at the place in the open — make your walk with me, where lightning could strike twice.
You have someone to hold you, should it pulse through the skies. It could be Prince Charming, but remember in our right hand is our Heavenly Groom who will always be there to carry us home.
I’ll be here with a fridge full of ice cream bon bons to share. And we can watch chick flicks ’til the cows come home.
~~~~~
If you have a story to share — or one in the making — drop it in a comment below. I’ll be reading and nodding, sharing this space with you.
“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he,
I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”
– Isaiah 46:4
By Bonnie Gray, the Faith Barista.
Wanna swap more thoughts on love? I’ve kicked off a new series on Faith Barista — Unwrapping Love. Click here to read Confessions About Singleness & Dating and check out the community at Faith Barista. Then, add your voice!
Photo courtesy of Photobucket.
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marina bromley says
How sweet a start to a great love story! How true a reminder in trusting Him in open places during fierce storms. This is true in romance and life…
Thanks for sharing…a good morning devos on my 27th anniversary. Even in marriage we have to trust God and His plans…to remember His promises (because people promises aren’t as strong), and to lean on Him to equip us to serve…and equip our spouses to know our needs…
“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” -unknown
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Aw… 27 years! May this day be especially sweet as you savor the memories and the future ahead. Love that quote, Marina– thank you!
Little Joy says
I met him over 14 years ago and we became fast friends.
He ended up becoming one of my best friend and it wasn’t until a mutual friend knocked our heads together and told us how perfect we would be that we decided to give it a try.
That was nearly 10 years ago.
We just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary, and I am even more in love with him now than when our relationship was still new and exciting.
I believe it is when you stop looking that the man you were meant to be with will come knocking on your door.
Charmian
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Another waiting for lightning to strike story… Thank God for those friends of ours. 😉 Thanks for adding your here, Charmian!
Southern Gal says
That’s a sweet story. My husband and I met when we were 14 and 16. That was 33 years ago this past October. Now I watch my son struggle with rejection. It’s so hard not being able to help at all. I know God has someone out there for him. The waiting is the hard part.
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Oh, it must be hard that is to see your son go through heartbreak. God knows His heart must be tender too for him. Teenagers, huh? That is special, Southern Gal!
I Live in an Antbed says
What a precious story!
Lindsey says
This post reminded me of the chapter on vulnerability in “Strong Women, Soft Hearts” by Paula Rinehart. (Definitely a recommended read!) I went through a rough time in my marriage when I felt I couldn’t trust my husband after he really hurt me. I was obeying God by not leaving my husband, but I was not being a good wife, and I wasn’t learning to trust and forgive. Then, the idea of letting go of pride and self-protection, giving in to vulnerability and like you say, “stepping out into the open” led me to forgive, trust and love my husband in a way I never imagined, in which the presence of God dwells. And this after the fairy tale… Only by God’s great grace!!
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Relationships take so much courage. Lindsey, thanks for sharing your journey discovering yourself and your husband in that magical place of grace.
Beth Williams says
I took the new fashioned way to meet someone – Internet. It was scary at first just looking, but then I, too, took the plunge. I put my “ad” out there for all to see. Sure I had some e-mails, a few dates, but nothing serious.
Then I changed my ad title and said a prayer to God! That did it. When I turned the whole thing over to Him – he sent me the most wonderful, caring man alive! We emailed 3 weeks, had 1 blind date then an invite to “his place” for dinner. 10 weeks later we decided to marry and that was 7 years ago.
I wouldn’t trade those 7 wonderful crazy years for anything. He has been there for me!
Next time God says “step out in faith – take a chance” Go ahead you never know who or what He’ll bring into your life!
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Oh, I’m so glad you chimed in here, Beth, with your Internet love story. I know 4 couples personally who met and married via the digital screen.
Holley Gerth says
I really hope I get to meet your sweet hubby in person one day! Thanks for the reminder that love is on the other side of fear and it’s worth the risk! So true and good…
Faith Barista Bonnie says
It’s just so unbelievable to entertain the thought shaking on the side of fear. But, our hearts were made to risk. Love you, Holley!
Elizabeth says
I love this!
A little while back I started writing our story ( http://www.misswisabus.com/corn-fed-deep-fried-a-love-story/ ) and it’s been so much fun to look back, even though right now in the series I am in the middle of some hard times, a real heartbreak that made it very difficult to leave the door open that my husband would eventually walk through.
Faith Barista Bonnie says
What a awesome idea… esp. in the midst of that hard place of belief… to have the courage to remember the journey to where you are. Thanks for sharing this space you’re in, Elizabeth!
Monica Sharman says
Bonnie, you’ve got yourself a treasure!
We were juniors in college when Charles asked me out on our first date (dinner at Souplantation, walking distance from campus). He asked if he could take me to dinner that next Thursday—which happened to be April 1.
But he wasn’t foolin’. 🙂 We were engaged about 5 months later!
Monica Sharman says
Oops, I meant sophomores in college. Junior year we were engaged, and the wedding was right before senior year started.
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Oh, wow. I love hearing your love story, Monica! Want a bon bon? 🙂
Maria T says
I´m in that spot right now…. I´ve been hurt before, and I´m afraid. I met this sweet guy, and he likes me, the problem is he is not christian. He really wants to know more about God, but right now he is not christian. I don´t want to miss on a good opportunity, but I want to please God with my life. I´m conffused and afraid.
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Hi Maria, I don’t know the full story of the journey you’re on, but keep heading in the path to please God and He will not do you wrong. Keep trusting Him and be careful to guard your heart. Thank you for being vulnerable here.
Becky says
Dear Bonnie,
I’m so glad I stopped to read this this morning. You’ve encouraged me so much with your words.
I was widowed a little over two years ago and I’ve been terribly lonely.
About 8 months after my husband passed away, I wasn’t really looking to meet anyone but I met a man and ended up getting hurt badly. That pain, in addition to the grief I was still going through, pushed me backward on my grief journey so far.
About a year ago, I began wishing for a relationship and, about 4-5 months ago, a man I met (and am very attracted to) began flirting with me. For months, he made no move however. We had talked some and so he does know I that am a widow and I always figured that that was the reason he was being so cautious with me. Because we had already talked some, I knew that I liked him and like talking to him. It’s hard to talk, though, where I regularly see him and I wanted to date him so that I can get to know him better. A couple weeks ago, he did ask me if I wanted to get a bite to eat with him. I accepted and we had a really nice time together. The more I get to know him, the more I like him. He’s continued to flirt and we email some but there’s been no second date. He did ask again but I was unable to go that time. I’m afraid that, because I had to turn him down, he might be a little discouraged.
Anyway, the last few days, I’ve been wondering if I should invite him to dinner. I want to, but I’m afraid. Back before he ever asked me out, so many people were encouraging me to just ask him but I couldn’t do that. On one hand, I guess I’m old-fashioned and think the man wants to do the asking but on the other hand, I know I just hated to make the risk. That’s what hurt the most with that other man. I got to know him, cared about him, let him know how much I cared, and then, when it ended, was hurt so badly. It wasn’t just facing another loss that hurt me — the man was just mean.
I try to convince myself that it’s still worth the risk. I also try to tell myself that it can never be wrong to let someone know that you care about them. I also keep reminding myself about how much I’ve prayed during this relationship. And I think God wanted me to read your sweet story this morning. Thank you so much for sharing.
Blessings,
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Dear Becky, you are in that wide open place. There are no easy black and white answers, but it sounds like you are already drawing close to God in the gray. There’s a lot of wisdom in your words, as you tease out what is just plain hurt and what is healing in trying again. Keep surrounding yourself with those friends of yours and may God bless this journey you’re on with His comfort and direction.
Karen says
I loved reading your story about God’s faithfullness when we follow Him! Here’s our story I wrote a few months ago…. http://holcombehappenings.blogspot.com/2010/08/our-journey-to-26-yearsmy-journey-to.html
http://holcombehappenings.blogspot.com/2010/08/laughing-after-stormspart-five.html
Megan says
As a 23 year old girl, who is single as all her other friends are engaged and married and well onto having their first child, this speaks volumes to my terrified heart.
Thank you so much for your honesty!
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Hi Megan, Sounds like you’re going through the first “wave” of people getting married after college. I survived that and so will you… Keep pointing yourself forward ‘cuz there’s so much personal adventure you’re free to pursue in your 20’s and yes.. plenty of fish in the sea. 🙂
Kelli says
Love your vulnerable words Bonnie. You always make me laugh! I love this line “I’d been burned before, and I had the char marks on my overdone romantic history to prove it.” those singe marks do seem to take a while to dust off!:) happy Friday!
Faith Barista Bonnie says
LOL. I love it laughing here with you. Kelli. You’re a good friend!
Melissa Brotherton says
What a great story, Bonnie! 🙂 And, although I’m coming up on my 10 year anniversary this month, I can use the reminder to be vulnerable to others in friendships. I have been struck by lightening and I’m definitely a little gun shy.
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Aw. 10 years — what a milestone! Yes, that is a really insightful point — friendships are JUST as scary. Talk about open places!
Eric Gray says
It was my best first date ever, too.
Sure was glad your friend convinced you to call me back! 🙂
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Aw (heart melting). So glad your offer was still good after I called back. LOL.
laura says
Awwwwww…
Mel @ Trailing After God says
What a great reminder! I’ve been with my husband 17 years and I still feel like I’m waiting or lightning to strike. So hard the things we learn as a child, that can burn us to the bone, and continue to taunt and tease our hearts into distrust. Thanks for the sweet reminder!
Blessings,
Mel
Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Yes, the journey continues. It’s a renovation that love does to our earlier childhood and growing up years.. Thanks, Mel.
Rachel says
Oh, do I have a fear of being struck again. My heart is telling me to reach out to my estranged husband, while my common sense screams “Don’t get hurt again!!” But you’re right in saying that if we take the risk, and Prince Charming doesn’t catch us, then our Heavenly Father will. I know this, yet still needed to hear it again. Thank you!
Faith Barista Bonnie says
Dear Rachel, what a vulnerable voice you’ve added to this post. I know you’re walking down a path many sisters are in agreement. May God guide you in this journey to the middle of open places of the heart and may your husband meet you there, as you hang onto the One who will hold you safe.
Jenny B. Jones says
Loved this. So encouraging in a year where my theme is “more yes, less nuh-uh.” But it’s so funny how different male-female communication is. You meant slow down. He heard “we’re done here.” They so need decoder rings.
Faith Barista Bonnie says
LOL — I LOVE IT!! “so need decoder rings”… !! 🙂
Kelly Sauer says
Bonnie, I love you. I love that you took that chance, and that you encourage such vulnerability.
Faith Barista Bonnie says
I love having your company here, Kelly. As always. ooxx…
Sonya says
Bonnie, just popped over here via another blog. I have to say taking a risk right now seems too crazy. I just came off a hurtful breakup with the man I really thought was the one. We were best friends for a year and a half till we started dating, so I thought this would be a good basis for our relationship. Things turned another corner and now I am left hurting and frearful. I was so wrong, when I was so sure. So, I am afraid of taking that risk again. Thanks for your words, I will try and take them to heart. 🙂
Sheryl says
I love your story! And it made my heart melt a little that Eric commented.
If I’m ever heartbroken and on my way to CA, I’ll invite you over for chick flicks and bon bons!
laura says
Your story of self-protection is so familiar, Bonnie. Sometimes it does take immense courage to do that free-fall thing. Thank you for sharing your story here. “How we met stories” and “first date stories” are my favorite. 🙂
Jenni says
At almost 35, virtually all my best friends and peers are married and having children. I certainly thought that is where I would be now. Apparently, God has another plan for me. For several years I did the internet dating thing with absolutely ZERO success. In the past 15 months, I was reconnected with a guy from college who I hadn’t seen in 10 years. First encounter – last year at a Super Bowl party. All indications from mutual friends were that he was interested in me….however, he made no moves. At the end of the summer, I decided to take the leap and just call him. We went out a couple of times, but then nothing. He played the “work is insane” card late October and aside from a random text at Christmas, I haven’t heard from him. I’m definitely of the mindset that the guy needs to do the pursuing, so I haven’t initiated anything. However, lately I’m wondering if I’m missing something. Or perhaps I’m just lonely? Back to internet dating for a test this month, but so far, striking out there as well.
Despite continuing to give this back to God, I feel my heart slowly getting hard – though I desperately crave that true heart connection with a man. Struggling to know how to step out into the wide open….and what that really means for me.
Stephanie says
Loved hearing part of your love story ! Thanks for sharing and encouraging us. The bible verse at the end was especially sweet to me. I actually got teary eyed reading how much Christ is devoted to us. He loves us so fiercely. Blessings!
Anneliese says
This has been exactly what I needed to hear – thank you! One of my best friends has introduced me to a male friend of hers over Facebook, because she thinks the two of us are quite similar & would get along well (also, we both get quite shy around the opposite sex, so she’s also doing us a favour!). A few months ago, the Lord told & showed me all this stuff about my future husband – nearly all of which this guy seems to have! Only I’m a bit scared of getting to know him properly; I’m scared that, when we finally meet in person, he won’t be the same person he is online, and that I won’t like him at all. But your article’s inspired me not to be afraid that it won’t work, but to just trust God and go for it! Thank you so much for writing this!
Jennifer says
What a sweet love story! 🙂 I have a recent story about standing out in the open, but it isn’t about love:
I have never shared that I have a blog with people, except for a few friends. With the exception of one friend, those few found out on there own. For me, bloggging is vulnerable because I tend to put my heart on the screen. I don’t mind sharing my heart with fellow bloggers. However, when it comes to my friends, I hide my heart until it feels safe, which sometimes takes years. Well, a couple of nights ago I decided to risk vulnerability and rejection by putting a link to my blog on Facebook. Eek! It was really scary, but I learned that my friends cared about me even more when I shared my heart.
Sorry for the long story! Still lovin your blog!
Anneliese says
I’m in the same situation, only I’m not quite brave enough to put a link to my blog on Facebook yet. Thanks for inspiring me to copy you!
Jennifer says
Anneliese, it was really vulnerable, but definitely worth it! It healing, in a way, when my friends responded positively. It gave me confidence in my writing and in sharing my heart. 🙂 I hope you find the same results. 🙂
Angela says
Oh Bonnie, how I loved reading your encouraging story…so much truth about taking a risk…sometimes the harder we try to protect our hearts, the more damage we do to them. Loved this!!
Sharon@HikingTowardHome says
Loved reading your love story Bonnie.
I met my husband in a dark room…. a photography darkroom. Even though he heard me sit in class complaining and swearing off dating, having just been burnt by an engagement that did not end well, he asked me out anyway.
We ended up going on a spur of the moment “date” that I (at the time) did not consider a date. We went to the zoo to take photos… 18 DAYS later he proposed… that was 20 years ago. 4 kids and 18 years of marriage later we are even more in love.
Dawn says
Bonnie,
I enjoy your blog so much. Each thing you have to say resonates with me.
I, like Becky, (another commenter) was also widowed. I was in that limbo area for 5 years before I met and married my current husband. (who was also widowed). It was different for me having been married and having a young son, and dating again. I spent much time with God, praying for HIS best for me. I wanted that with all my heart. I went out with several nice men, but nothing clicked. I was okay with that. I was happy and content with my life, and so enjoyed motherhood! It was not until I “tried out” an internet dating site on a fluke that I met a wonderful Christian man that lived 500 miles away! We talked, emailed, wrote, visited and talked some more. I remarried at 37, to God’s best for me.
God can take our tears and heartaches and change them into to something beautiful.
Thank you for this blog post, I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s comments.
Jess says
I love this – just what I needed to hear! Satan has been using the loneliness of my heart against me mightily this week. Thank you for allowing God’s truth to speak this time!
Courtney says
Bonnie, it’s like you stepped into my mind, pulled out the words, and put them on paper… or on the web… it’s like you were talking about ME! Sabotaging the fairytale? Being afraid to step out into the open? Classic me. Thank you for sharing this post! I am finally learning that the rewards of opening yourself up are worth the risk … and I’m not eating as many of those bon bons anymore, either! 🙂
Katherine says
Thank you for this story. I know the fear you speak of…after my fiance died 6 years ago I put myself out there a couple times only to get to know why some guys just aren’t married! Not the best deals for a heart already so tender with loss. But after knowing a love so true and real my heart aches for that…. especially with all those romatic films, etc that come out this time of year. In the meantime, I will continue to trust God and see just where he will lead me on this journey… I’ve been invited to step out there yet again… we’ll see.
Abby says
That’s a beautiful story, and exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you