Family

A Soul Healing

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My soul feels raw.
As if it had been drug down a carpeted hall at break-neck speed.
A dry,
burning,
prickly raw-ness
that hurts, hints, points, and practically begs to be noticed.

Oh, but I am too busy.

I have children to feed, to wash, to get ready for school, to keep in line, to encourage, to exhort, to teach, to mentor…

I have a husband to please, to help, to encourage, to exhort, to submit to….

I have a house to clean, laundry to wash and fold and put away, dishes to wash, groceries to buy, work to do, bills to pay…

And the raw-ness gets drier and itchier and more irritating.
Soon I feel a ticking time bomb waiting for the next thing to set me off.

A question repeated over and over,
a tapping on my leg,
an ill-timed temper tantrum,
the perfect whine,
ungrateful behavior,
any of a million tiny things that could change me
from mommy-the-sweet to mommy-the-monster.

Instead of taking the time to allow God to soothe the rawness, instead of hiding in the bathroom to pray, or singing a song of praise, I become the martyr.

“I don’t have time for me,” my flesh cries out.
“If they could just leave me alone for a second I could think,” I storm and pout.

My soul’s rawness is pointing. It is pointing to sin I don’t want to deal with. It is a gaping chasm that needs to be filled with Him. It is my soul’s hunger for the bread of life.

Yet my Bible lies untouched,
my mind leaves locked the Words of life tucked away in my heart,
my eyes look to what is not and should be rather than what my Savior has done for me.

Then He is there. His words echo, “Do you want to get well?”

Oh those words burn, but they also bring hope. If only I am willing to go through the proper treatment for my raw and painful heart, I could be healed.

The treatment is painful.
It involves pruning,
shedding of what was for what will be,
dying to myself in order to live for Him,
resting in His plan instead of my own.

Father God, I want to be healed. Soothe my painful soul. Help me to rest in You. I submit to Your treatment for my flesh. Help me to want to get well. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Now the question remains, do you want to get well?

By Angela Mackey, Rethinking My Thinking

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About the Author

Wife, mother, blogger, speaker for God’s glory. Drenched in His grace, calling others to renewed minds for transformed lives through the Word. Ro 12:2

(in)side DaySpring: things we love
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  1. Thank you so very much for writing this. This has summed up my entire week, and I hate that about me. But I love that I hate it, if that makes any sense. So I pray that I listen to my Saviour this week, and allow him to lead me beside still waters, and allow him to restore my soul.

  3. Sarah,
    I am so glad that it touched you! Your prayer is precious and will be praying with you and for you that He will be your shelter in the storm and your rest in the craziness of life.

  4. You just put the last year of my life to words – just add in several family tragedies and a new baby and you’ve got it pegged. I was an exhausted, rusted wreck, worlds away from anything resembling a Godly, peaceful woman and mother. Around the New Year, God finally got ahold of my heart, grabbed it by the core. “This world and everything in it will not bring you the peace you need to walk this road. Come to me.” I have become reacquainted, addicted to my God time in the morning. I truly pant for the living God (Psalm 42:1-2) My heart has heard him say “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” (Psalm 27:8, NLT) I have begun to experience the rest of God, which transcends all understanding, on a regular basis – as it guards my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7). And now, in the midst of marriage, dirty diapers, toilet training, a full-time job, leading worship, etc., etc., etc., I am seeing God blessing me in ways previously unfathomable. For the first time in my life, I am seeing the fulfillment of his promise: “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33).

    I am a living testament – God is in the business of healing, resting and restoring souls. Godspeed and blessing on your journey to your soul spa treatment. Thank you for putting your (my) experience to words.

  6. I can’t stop the tears flowing down my face right now. Amazing how you perfectly portrayed all that I feel. I am so sick of being mommy-the-monster! Especially when I then get to watch it being replayed in the responses of my children to each other. But mostly because how in the world are they ever supposed to see the love, the grace of God when I act like this? I start every day with prayer, with opening the Word. I vow this day will be different. It usually lasts what? 5 – 10 minutes? I want to incorporate God more fully into my day. I want to stop and say a prayer before lashing out with those angry or impatient words! Oh, how I want to be healed!

  7. Jess, I will be praying for and with you for more God moments and less sin moments. I don’t like that part of me either. God can and will heal and restore us! Blessings!

  10. Oh there is a balm in Gilead and how we long for and desire it. Come unto Me….I will give you rest. I find myself exhausted as I walk in the flesh. I find myself refreshed as I live in the Spirit. I read something in “Master Life” this week that tellsvus that we live in the flesh and then when Satan slaps us around and we feel defeated we wonder why . What welack is the Spirit. Oh sisters I sm not pointing fingers at you, but at myself. I have become painfully aware this week that I must be Spirit-controlled.

  11. Yes Becky! We all need to live lives controlled by the Spirit. The kind that we allow God to win the victory over our sinful selves! Thank you so much for sharing! Isn’t it good to know a God that gives us victory if we choose to live in the Spirit?

  12. Ms. Angela, You have an awesome gift from God that allows you to touch hearts and souls with your writing, and above all you glorify our Lord and Savior!

  14. Angela ~ As always, you’ve described exactly how I’ve been feeling lately and put it into words as only you can! It is almost a relief to know that I am not the only mommy struggling with this… Praying for all of us to find more love, patience, long suffering etc. as we RUN to our Lord instead of trying to do it all on our own. Thanks for touching our hearts and reminding us where our strength comes from.

    Tearful gratitude,
    Angela

  17. Great post! I don’t see the connection between it and the goofy pictures, though… As I continued to read, I kept wondering when you would mention them, lol!

  18. Sorry to leave you hanging on the pictures…I intended them to go along with my ugly eruption (sticking my tongue out) and the effects it has on my kids (my little man crying).

    Sorry that wasn’t very clear. I am glad you enjoyed it anyway.

  21. Oh thank you, I sooooooo needed this. I too often find myself falling into the Mommy Monster category, being a single mother with three children.

  22. Oooooh my sweet, dear friend Angela…you always know how to speak straight to my soul. Just when I feel like I’m the only one feeling this way, here you come with another blog. I feel so blessed to know you, and to read your words, and to know God is using you in such a phenomenal way. I was going to go do some housework, but I think I’ll just sit here and read a few of your older posts. Housework can wait….God’s word can’t 🙂

    • Gayla…I am praying for us all to take the time for some soul healing. Thank you for being such a sweet friend! I am humbled that my blog helps you draw closer to Him. All for Him!