Friendship

Let Me Love You

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When my husband’s affair was exposed, my entire life turned upside down.

Everything changed. Overnight.

And though I didn’t think it was possible, everything crumbled into even smaller pieces when he filed for divorce.

In one big swoop, I lost my marriage… my ministry… my home.

After a decade of living in Africa, I’ve now been back in the States for a year-and-a-half. Almost nothing in my life is the same as it was two years ago.

Nothing.

My world fell out from under me. And it was surprising to see the people God used to catch me.

It wasn’t who I expected. In fact, some were people I never would’ve expected.

But that’s just the way God works, isn’t it?

Often, those we think “should” be there for us, aren’t. And those we’d never expect to be, are. It’s painful in some ways and joyous in others, but ultimately it reminds me to keep my eyes on God rather than on man.

While it never plays out the way we’d script it, God uses people to bring redemption and restoration to our lives.

The greatest hurts always come from relationships. But so do the greatest healings.

In the past couple years, I have felt the deepest pain of my entire life. But I’ve also felt more loved than I ever have before.

It’s as though the raw hurt was matched, depth for depth, with immense love.

Deep calls out to deep.

I wouldn’t know how to love and be loved so intensely if it weren’t for the pain I’ve endured in my life.

In the midst of such indescribable personal grief, God built an amazing support system around me. In unfathomable ways.

He gave me friends who’ve loved me hard even when I’ve had nothing to give back to them. Friends who’ve prayed faithfully and sincerely for me. Friends who’ve held me as I’ve cried… talked me down off the proverbial edge when hopelessness set in… pushed/carried/dragged me when it felt impossible to take a single step.

In a lot of ways, being on the receiving end of so much care and support has been really hard for me. But over and over again I’ve heard God’s unmistakable voice:

“Let Me love you through My people.”

In allowing myself to receive others’ love, I’ve discovered new depths of the love of God. I’ve experienced more of His character. I’ve encountered aspects of who He is that can only be expressed through His people.

I’ve learned to love more deeply.

Deep calls out to deep.

In spite of great loss, my life feels incredibly rich… making my healing all the more beautiful.

And making the pain worthwhile.

By Alece Ronzino, Grit and Glory.

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About the Author

Alece Ronzino moved to Africa at 19 and pioneered Thrive Africa. She describes her journey of faith as a mix of grit and glory. Mostly grit.

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  2. Thanks for sharing this. One part that touched me deeply was “Often, those we think “should” be there for us, aren’t. And those we’d never expect to be, are. It’s painful in some ways and joyous in others, but ultimately it reminds me to keep my eyes on God rather than on man.” ***I just have to say that this touched me profoundly and I relate. I am grateful for the wonderful family and friends that have been there with me, supporting me through my rough patches. I must admit, it’s hard for me to deal with the sadness I feel when someone who has always been there for me, and never diasppointed me winds up disappointing me or abandoning me when I need them the most. Other people will disappoint us over and over again, and for me, that is easier to handle. The thing about God is that God will NEVER leave or forsake us. I need to set my sights on that and go to him with things before I go to others. ***

    “While it never plays out the way we’d script it, God uses people to bring redemption and restoration to our lives.”

    “The greatest hurts always come from relationships. But so do the greatest healings.”

    I really needed to be reminded and I appreciate the reminder. I have been hurt and I am just waiting on the healing. It’s hard.

    I am sorry for the hurt that you have experienced, but I am so happy that you have had such a strong support system through your grief.

    Blessings,

    Evonne

    • “i have been hurt and I am just waiting on the healing”… it IS hard. and i pray it comes quickly, evonne… QUICKLY.

  6. I love this post! I love your heart! I love that God has surrounded you with an army of believers who long to love you and support you! And apparently, I love exclamation points! 😉

    Seriously though, I look forward to seeing your continued healing and the daily manifestation of the power of God in your life.

  7. “Let me love you through my people.” Alece, those beautiful words brought tears to my eyes. That’s really what it’s all about, isn’t it? And it’s so beautiful that even after such hurt you chose not to close your heart but instead to be brave and let love in again–and to continue giving it too. Grit and glory, indeed. You’ve got the grit (I’m thinking the “grit your teeth and be courageous” kind right now) and I love the way you give Him the glory! So wonderful to have your words with us today.

    • “grit your teeth and be courageous” were just the words i needed to hear tonight — to prepare me for my tomorrow. thank you, holley. love you and your encouraging, beautiful heart! thank you for the honor to hang out with y’all on (in)courage today.

  8. Sending you lots of love today. My friend. Reread this quote this weekend. and thought you might find it perfect today.

    “I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside.”
    — William P. Young (The Shack)

  9. Thanks so much for posting this. I have delt with a simular situation and thank God everyday for my support system that I had while going through my hard time. I have come out of it knowing I am not alone and I went through it so that I could one day help someone else who may go through the same path I had to go through. Thankfully God restored my marriage and I have the best friends I could have ever asked for because they were formed with God as our common ground. I will continue to pray for your journey. May it be filled with many blessings.

  12. Loving you, sweet one. “Deep cries out to deep” is where my heart is for you right now. The caverns in my are crying out to our Creator on your behalf. Do you know what a gift you are and how much I love you? So thankful for the gift of you in this broken, messy world.

    • your deep is crying out for my deep??? that brought tears to my eyes. thank you, sweet shan. more than i can say… thank you.

  13. I adore you, Alece. You are so courageous! And by telling your brave story and accepting His love through others, you in turn are loving on others through word and testimony. Over and over again, YOU show incredible beauty (reflecting His beauty!) in this broken world.

  15. hey alece,

    great entry and rings true in my ears no doubt. i’ll let everyone else be more thoughtful but just wanted to tell you this is another case where making the writer clear at the top of the entry would be better/clearer.

    Peace my friend.

  16. “The greatest hurts always come from relationships. But so do the greatest healings.”

    Quietly nodding in agreement, with a big sigh.

    So grateful to God for the many arms, both in His body and others, that He’s used to catch you and hold you oh so tight.

  17. I so understand about the people you never thought should be there weren’t! God is so amazing he put a friend I lost touched with back in my life after almost 30 years. It was so weird how it happened and she has been there for me and I hope I’ve been there for her for the past year and a half! When I think about that and the friends I have made that I probably wouldn’t have, I am so grateful!! Great post, powerful message!! Thanks Alec!!

  18. You have to remember that the person you loved would not have treated you this way. So you are grieving over the person you believed him to be rather than the person he was and is. You have to face up to the fact that he is not the person you believed him to be and therefore not the person you loved, neither is he worthy of your love and grief now. You are grieving for someone who is not him.

  19. Alece,

    When you write your pain, I f e e l it; when you write your joy, I feel that, too. Though I would NEVER wish your circumstances on anyone, it’s a beautiful love story to see redemption and grace trump evil and brokenness.

    To God be the glory….

    xo

  20. Girl, thanks for sharing your heart. YOU ARE a blessing. I don’t see ashes when I look at you. I don’t even smell fire. I just see so much LIFE.

    Love you and am so thankful to call you a friend,
    Mel

    • you don’t smell fire?! wow. since i still do, that makes my heart kind of perk up a bit. i am so thankful for your friendship. thank you, mel. love you.

  21. Wow. I can’t add much to that and to what others have said in the comments.

    Thank you for sharing this.

    “Let Me love you through My people.”

    That not only encourages me to see His love through others around me, but to shower others with His love, as well. Intentionally and frequently.

    • “…but to shower others with His love, as well. Intentionally and frequently.”

      YES. and AMEN!

      the impact will be deeper than you know, caroline.

  23. Hi Alece, I was reading 1 Peter 2 today and when I read these verses (19-21) I thought of you. Hope you don’t mind my sharing this. I’m quoting the NIV here.

    “For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.”

    Thinking of you. As a woman afraid to love for this very reason, thank you for showing me that it can be done; has to be done. And even if our worst fears come true, He will hold us.

    My own blog (which I just started) is at first glance a somewhat more sunshine-y affair. But there are struggles beneath the yellow. I am so glad that there are sisters all over the world who try to walk the narrow path. Such encouragement for my soul.

    • “and even if our worst fears come true, He will hold us…” i am clinging to that promise today, on yet another hard day…

      the word “endure” is the one that most stuck out to me in that peter passage… enduring is hard and long and tiresome… and i’m feeling every bit of it right now. praying for faith to continue holding on…

      thank you for sharing those verses… and for sharing your heart.

  25. Praying for you today – for your heart, for your ministry. There is such deep sorrow in our world. Through the tears we receive deeper Grace and rejoice in the breadth and length and height and depth of Christ’s love.

    your sister in Chrsit,
    Jacqueline

      • my dh was recruited into a dangerous cult in 07. My world was turned flipped & crumbled. This wasn’t what I signed up for how could he do this who was this man I married? Not @ all what I had hoped or dreamed. I learned quickly about him. All of what came out of me brought me to my knees. There I took risks to love give & receive. It felt right peaceful with me. It all looked wrong to the world. This is not an easy path to take. In taking this step, i’ve learned grown & become a better me. I feel more awake more aware & more alive. How? Who does this endures this loves more cuz of this? It’s what is called a reckless love. It’s strange that I love him & myself more now than b/4. How can the Lord love ALL of me? How can He Not!

      • my dh was recruited into a dangerous cult in 07. My world was turned flipped & crumbled. This wasn’t what I signed up for how could he do this who was this man I married? Not @ all what I had hoped or dreamed. I learned quickly about him. All of what came out of me brought me to my knees. There I took risks to love give & receive. It felt right peaceful with me. It all looked wrong to the world. This is not an easy path to take. In taking this step, i’ve learned grown & become a better me. I feel more awake more aware & more alive. How? Who does this endures this loves more cuz of this? It’s what is called a reckless love. It’s strange that I love Him, DH & myself more now than b/4. How can the Lord love ALL of me? How can He Not! He is love…

  26. I have been through a lot in the last six months, and though it doesn’t match the intensity you (Alece, BTW very cool name) describe, boy I have been loved by my friends as deep as the hurt has gone, and then some. Funny how that happens ;-). It’s so hard being that vulnerable for me and I think all of us at some point, but the love expressed by my friends out east (SW Ontario), friends all across Canada, and right here in Calgary helps a lot in the process of healing. My friends have been awesome in that regard, especially from the weirdest places. There have been more than a few acquaintances that have become fast friends through this storm, and I would never have thought when I first met them that they would be such allies in this struggle. Especially when life can get hairy at times at home (I still live at home, not the way I wanted it to be), it seems unreal to me that people love me right where I am and don’t care of the particulars and love me regardless of that. Christ’s love has been expressed to me in so many ways through them, but I’m soo grateful for it.

    Chantal

    • i am so, so glad to hear how much of a strength your friends have been to you in the midst of your own storms. such a gift and such a life-saver. literally.

      God is good…