Enough

In our city – everyday you will drive past many intersections with people standing on street corners wearing sandwich boards. The boards usually promote the cheapest apartment lease or the recently opened fast food joint. You will also find far too many smaller painfully written signs “will work for food” many simply state “hungry and homeless”.

If we all carried our signs around would that be easier? What is your sign?

I hold the “tired exhausted mommy looking for a coffee break” sign most afternoons. I’ve worn the “can’t stick with a schedule” sign more times than I’d like to admit. I have been insecure enough to wear the “please notice me now I need your attention” sign around my husband.

But the sign that is most familiar to me requires few words. Three words have worn down a groove in my heart. Three heavy words repeated over time so I have memorized them and fall victim to believe …

“not good enough“

Daily I battle the lie, not good enough. It creeps in just at the peak of a sweet tasting success to remind me – no Stef, you’re not good enough. Whenever my husband speaks life giving words into my ears the lie dances before my eyes hoping to prove him wrong, he says these things with pity because you are really not good enough.

Previous dark days burn with the lie …
A barren womb = not good enough.
Wedding dress left on the hanger = not good enough.
Rejected submissions = not good enough.
Drug addiction = not good enough.
Pornographic magazine covers = not good enough.
Unfinished college degree = not good enough
A miscarriage = not good enough.

Even now – an opportunity to share a word on (in)courage and I go blind from a blank white screen and each blink of the cursor screams, not good enough.

Whenever the days seem darker and full of defeat – for just a brief second I catch a glimpse of a sign, a faint reminder … “never forsaken”.

My mind wonders if I had misread something, but soon I find another sign peaking out from behind the others … “close to the brokenhearted”.The signs are there, do I dare look for more? Hopefully you will see one you need and eventually it will become all you can read – all you need to read! “crown of beauty”, “freedom for the captive”, “do not be afraid”, “new creature”, “I will uphold you”, “rest”, “oaks of righteousness”, “life to the full”, “heirs to the throne”, “plans to prosper”, “fearfully made”, “the truth shall set you free”, “mercy”, “His love endures forever”.

I need to carry a new sign of truth. Let us drop the old haggard one we have been dragging around for years! There is one that fits you – a new sign full of truth! Truth in who you are – truth in who He is!

Rejoice with me as I wear mine, “I AM ENOUGH”.

By Stef Layton, Layton Family Joy