A few months ago I asked my pastor if I could highlight one of my favorite mission organizations on a Sunday morning. He considered the idea, but ultimately turned down the request due to how much was going on at the time.
Although I respected his decision, I was still upset, thinking of the many children in poverty who could have found sponsors. A few Sunday mornings later, my pastor explained that people had been inundating him with requests to do lots of good things – beneficial things, wonderful things, spiritual things. But he had to turn down many of these requests in order to stay true to the original mission of the church and to use the staff’s time most wisely.
That got me thinking. How many good things in my life displace the most important things?
When I first started staying home with my daughter, I had a hard time filling up my day. (Those glorious first months of napping!) During the slower times, I volunteered at my church and other organizations in the area. I felt guilty “just” staying home with a baby. But as the pace picked up, I began to juggle the work I committed to and the responsibility of raising my child.
The problem is that there’s so much good to do that it would take up all of my time, money, and strength just to accomplish even a fraction of what I want to do. And that doesn’t even include all of the housework that I get to do.
In order to keep my family as a priority, I’ve had to admit that I’m not a super woman. I can’t do everything I want to do. I can’t read every book I want to read. I can’t pull every weed in my garden. And I can’t volunteer for every worthwhile project that comes my way.
Despite my ability to multi-task, saying “yes” to one thing requires me to say “no” to an infinite number of other things.
Paul reminded the Corinthians that “‘Everything is permissible’ – but not everything is beneficial” (1 Corinthians 10:23).
Sure, Paul was talking about food, but his words could also apply to the good, permissible things that don’t benefit my overall family life.
I’ve found that it helps to decide on those important things before I start planning out my calendar. I am the Family Calendar Gatekeeper. I have to set the limits, to stop us from being pulled in different directions.
I have to learn to say “no.”
I recently began a conversation with my husband to reprioritize both our personal and family time. Although the discussion isn’t over, the top of the list includes God, Family, Friends, Self-Care, Housework, Self-Improvement (not necessarily in that order). We listed concrete things that take us away from our time together – book clubs, Kiwanis, Bible studies, blogging. We’ve made hard decisions.
I stopped doing some activities that I’ve enjoyed, including tutoring in an ESL class and baking goodies for the troops, both really good things.
But I’m happier with our new, deliberate approach to life. I’m excited to choose the best and most important ways to spend my time.
And friends, that’s a very good thing.
By Jennifer De Groot, Bitterroot Mama
Leave a Comment
Amy says
Your post was a good reminder for me today -it’s a good time for me to be concrete in mapping out our family priorities and organizing a new schedule… thanks!
Melissa says
I am in the midst of this! Having to sift out what is good for what is the better, more excellent way. Saying no is hard, but being spread thin and delivering less than a 100% has far worse consequences (for me!). Excellent reminder!
Cheryl Sims says
I am one of the rare folks who loves to send out cards. Guess I inherited it from my father who loved beautiful greeting cards and actually sent them out. Dayspring cards speak to the heart and bless both the giver and the receiver. Thanks for the chance to win.
Cheryl Sims
Suzann says
Terrific post!!! I think we all have to be reminded of this now and again.
Melissa says
I always remind myself that just because it is a good thing doesn’t mean it is a God thing {for me}. Thanks for the reminder that I am not alone in this struggle!
Beautiful in Him says
Thanks for your honesty! I also am trying to juggle too much because I think that no one else will pick up the slack if I don’t do it! Children’s ministry, praise team, women’s ministry, youth…no one can do all that. I need to step back and see where God is calling me and focus my energy there!
Tweets that mention Saying No to Good Things -- Topsy.com says
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by mcadesigns, Shelley DuPont. Shelley DuPont said: Saying No to Good Things http://bit.ly/9acUVA […]
Lydia says
Loved this. I really struggle with saying “no” to good things, even when I realize that those things will get in the way of what God has for me at this stage in life: taking care of my own family. I’m a “people pleaser” so saying no is especially hard!
Courtney says
I cannot tell you how timely this is for me! Over the past few days I’ve been struggling with a decision to say “no” to a good thing; an amazing opportunity for me, which I simply do not have time for. I could probably make time, but lots would suffer – our home life and my sanity, to name a few. Like you, I went from being a slightly bored Mom to a now almost-overwhelmed with volunteer commitments Mom in a short amount of time. It is amazing how that happens, and it was hard for me to admit that I have reached a point where I need to say “no” to something good.
I gave the official “no” right before I opened my computer to read (in)courage. So imagine how reassuring your post is to me. Thank you!!
Jen says
I’m so glad that God reaffirmed your decision. This was a difficult lesson for me to learn and I’m excited that it can encourage others.
Sandra Heska King says
What an important and timely post. We run at such a frantic pace trying to do good that life flies by in a blur. Even after the children are grown. I’ve been writing a lot lately about how God has been teaching me to rest. Someone commented on my blog that it seems God is speaking in themes today, and this is one of them. Bless you in the slowing.
BTW, I also wrote about saying no over at Mel’s Place a few months ago.
http://melissamashburn.blogspot.com/2010/04/godly-gals-sandra-king.html
Tiffany @ MomNom says
Great post. I’ve recently began turning things down and it is so freeing. Not saying that I don’t struggle with feeling guilty or wishing I could do it all, but realizing I can’t is half the battle.
Tami says
Amen. Being a mother of grown and almost grown children, this was an ah-ha moment for me years ago. For me it was the realization that while I hated saying no to good things, I realized that while I wasn’t saying no with my mouth, I was saying no with my yes. Everytime I said yes to a good thing, if I turned around I realized I had just said ‘no’ to several other good things…sometimes things that were more important than what I had said yes to. By saying ‘yes’ to what was being asked of me at the moment because it was ‘good’, I took away time from things that didn’t “ask me” for my attention and time but needed it even more. Most often it was my family or children. I began to learn to turn around and see what was lined up behind me…to see the things that I’d be saying no to if I said yes to the thing that was immediately in front of me and learned that saying no to good things didn’t make me a bad person…but a more balanced person.
AND IT IS SEASONAL! As my children have begun to leave the nest, things I had to say no to in the past can have a yes now. A season for all things…and I am thankful I learned sooner than later that the season of saying yes to my family with a no to many good things was upon me then, and now this new season has new opportunities.
Caroline says
I love this post. I often have a hard time saying no, as well. I’ve learned that when I spread myself too thin, I cannot be my best for those who need me or for those “important things.”
Beautifully written post! Thank you.
Laurie Wallin says
SO where I’m at this week! I started living the vision God gave me earlier this year, and now things are really ramping up on multiple fronts… even though I desired growth in these areas, I’m feeling overwhelmed now and having a little disorientation trying to balance everything. You’ve encouraged me to take a good hard look at what I’m doing and make some deliberate choices. Thanks so much!
Teresa@where in the world? says
Great reminder. Today is my 90th day as a home maker. I often get questions from friends and family about what I do during the day. Right now I have quite a bit of free time, having just finished an international move. Instead of immediately filling it, I am trying to be intentional about what I fills my days. Allowing yourself to say ‘no’ is an important way to welcome grace into your life.
Megan says
Very “timely” post for me as well. I just this school year have all 3 of my kids in school, and I’ve been looking for how I could use my time to give back. I have considered lots of things that would be good, but I had to pray to God to align my passions with what His are for me. I’ve really wanted to be purposeful & effective for Him but felt some guilt for not being able to do everything that needed; this post is reaffirming that we all have difficult decisions to make and priorities to maintain. Thank you!
maria says
Hi – This is so where I am I am trying to do only the best (as opposed to the “good”) in my life and there is still a lot of juggling with husband, kids, friends, and life! One of the things I am making a point of doing is writing notes to people to thank them or tell them they are loved! Also, I am trying to give out tracts to all those that I don’t have time or capacity to have a relationship with such as cashiers, guys at the gas pump, service people. We are here to make an impact on those God puts in our lives, even for a few minutes sometimes. We have to do what we can depending on the relationship!! Thanks for your post!
Holley Gerth says
Oh, Jennifer, this is exactly what I needed to hear right at this very moment. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Grandma Patty Ann says
Hi Jennifer!
It was so nice to read your post and realize that I am not alone. I want to do EVERYTHING. I sign up for way too much and then feel guilty for not getting it done. With so many things on my plate I could not do a good job of any of them. I cried and tried harder but, like you, realized that I just could not keep up.
Thank you for the fresh outlook on life!
Love you!
Grandma Patty Ann
http://pocketfullofpennies.com/blot too!
Grandma Patty Ann says
http://pocketfullofpennies.com/blog Sorry!
Amy Sullivan says
Jennifer,
For me, it is a constant struggle to find that balance between what I want and what I feel as if I need to do. When we cut back on some of our doing, I feel as if we really become more present in the things that truly capture our hearts.
Jennifer H. says
This post is so timely! I think I need this reminder every few months and will post it here at home! I want to do SO many things, but I can’t. I’m not super-woman, as I constantly remind myself. I work full-time and we don’t have children yet, but I’m still busy. My health often prevents me from being as busy as I wish to be, but I need to be content with this season, without children and working, even though I can’t do it all. In actuality, I’ll never be able to do it all, even if I’m staying home with children someday. However, I can make the most of my everyday opportunities at work and among friends and family.
lynn says
Excellent thoughts, Jennifer. And I love the truth that when we say “no” to something now, it doesn’t mean we’re saying “no” forever. Just for now. More like “wait.”