Tangled. Unfocused. Wandering. Searching.
These words describe my heart in the last few weeks. In an almost unnoticed way my heart began slipping. I didn’t see it coming, but a dark, gray cloud grew bigger and bigger right over my soul.
I cried to God for help, but I felt blind – like I couldn’t find my way back to the sunshine.
Pride kept me from talking about it. I mistakenly thought that no one would understand. Or perhaps they would think that something was wrong with me.
Something was wrong with me.
I moved away from Square One — away from delighting in Jesus’ love for me.
Life got busy. My Bible began to gather dust. Prayer decreased. Housework piled up. Relationships struggled. Disappointment in people grew. Stress and grief over my “dark cloud” escalated.
I felt helpless to escape. In my head I knew the answer, but my heart stubbornly held onto the darkness.
My spiritual predicament was similar to the children of Israel wandering in the wilderness. If only they had listened to God, they could’ve gone right into the Promised Land. But they were stubborn, as I often am, so God sent them to live in the wilderness. What a hard lesson to learn!
But…
“The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy.” Ps. 145:8
He began to show me His graciousness, His compassion and His mercy.
In the middle of my clouded heart, His light pierced the darkness. However small that ray of light was, it was light. I couldn’t help myself, but the One who could help me was there.
I started to see and hear Him more. I saw Him in creation, I heard Him in a song, I saw Him in His Word. The light grew as He tenderly drew me back.
Yet, clouds remained. I knew He loved me. Part of me struggled to believe that He could get me out of the mess I was in, but I also knew that He was my only way out.
I will never forget the day that He demolished the cloudy darkness in my heart. His light flooded in unhindered as I listened to the words of “Jesus Loves Me.” My heart almost exploded in my chest as tears streamed down my face.
Jesus loves me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so.
Simple, beautiful truth.
Truth that showed me what really matters. Jesus loves me. How do I know that He loves me? Because the Bible tells me so.
What love. What personal, supernatural, overwhelming love.
God powerfully brought me back to Square One – a place of true peace, true happiness and true love. Jesus’ love.
It’s where I belong. It’s where we all belong.
Can I just sit and bask and soak up the brilliant light of God’s love? Yes.
Come join me, okay?
Leave a Comment
Lindsey @ A New Life says
Oh sweetie~ I know this feeling very well. But what joy in the remembrance and the evidence of perfect love when He woos us back to Him so sweetly.
Love you~
LIndsey
Myra says
Thank you for your sweet comment Lindsey. I’m so blessed to know you.
xoxo
Anonymous says
i so needed to hear this – its exactly where i’ve been lately.
thank you for sharing. God bless.
Amy says
Thanks! I needed this reminder. I’m right there and needing the light, too! Thank you for being honest!
Myra says
Let’s bask in His Light together. Hope you’ve had a wonderful Lord’s Day!
Dedra says
Rejoicing with you this morning and grateful that He never stops wooing us!
Myra says
Amen Sistah! 🙂 xoxo
Amy Nabors says
Oh I’ve known this same feeling well the past few weeks also. Isn’t it amazing when he lavishes his grace to bring us back to him.
Myra says
Yes Amy, we are so lavished upon by our wonderful Savior. How good He is! 🙂
Kelly says
Thank you for sharing your heart! Such a blessing!
Myra says
Love you sis! 🙂 Thank you for all your love and support!
Amy says
Thank you for this post. Some days you think you are the only one struggling with these issues. I have been so distant from Jesus past few months and I know it. I know why I am stressed and yell at my kids and not happy with my hubby. It not cause of them it cause of me and my relationship with Christ. I tell myself every morning “ok today I WILL read my bible and today I WILL give Him more then a 2 min prayer” But just like yesterday I find one excuse after another. And as I lay down my head at night and I tell Him how sorry I am and how much I love Him, I know he forgives me. I dont deserve His love or His forgiveness, but I am so glad I have it.
Myra says
Girl, we are all so undeserving. I’ve found that it’s true in my home too…that if Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” If I’m not where I need to be with Christ it shows everywhere. Thank you for your comment. You are definitely not alone! 🙂
Karen says
I could SO relate to what you wrote! I experienced that dark cloud recently myself. In the midst of the darkness, I knew in my heart God was doing some refining, so I had His hope. It was still a dark pit, nonetheless. Afterward, I realized it was a time of major healing in my life. I bawled to Christian songs. It was like I was listening to the words of decade old songs for the very first time! During this time I realized I didn’t fully trust God, so I decided to give HIM my whole heart. WHAT A DIFFERENCE IT HAS MADE. I feel more joy and peace now than I ever have before in my life!! Like you, I realized how much He LOVES me! It’s taken me YEARS to “get it” but now I look forward to talking to Him and reading His word. My heart and life has been forever transformed because I know now, finally, that HE LOVES ME! HE LOVES ME!!
Myra says
Karen, yes. How wonderful it is to bask in His Love. 🙂
Meg says
Awesome post. I feel this way at times, and it is incredible when songs come to mind in the midst of it all to remind us. This one comes to mind as I type this: “Jesus, lover of my soul…Jesus, I will never let you go. You’ve taken me, from the miry clay. You’ve set my feet upon the rock, and now I know… I love you, I need you. THough my world may fall, I’ll never let you go. My Saviour, my closest friend. I will worship you until the very end.”
Myra says
Meg, I’m so touched by music, so these words have me tearing up. Thank you for sharing them!
The Cottage Chick says
Myra,
Thank you for this great post. A reminder of where we all can be and how we need to be reminded of God’s love for us.
You are a blessing to me!
Denise
Myra says
Thanks for your sweet comment dear friend. 🙂 You are a blessing to me!
Tracey says
Thanks for sharing how you got back–we are all prone to wander.
Myra says
Thank you dear Tracey. You are so precious.
Holley Gerth says
Oh, beautiful Myra, it was so good to see your face here this morning and at Relevant recently. Your words here are like a hand gently guiding us back to that light–THE LIGHT. We can all wander and find ourselves in the shadows. Thanks for helping us turn toward home, toward Him, again. So happy your words are with us today!
Myra says
Thank you Holley for the opportunity to share a little bit of my story here. I’m so blessed to be surrounded with amazing, Christ-loving women. 🙂
Grandma Patty Ann says
I received this post in an email from (in)courage. As I read it I was thinking… her too… she knows… I have got to follow this woman’s blog on the Internet as we have the same feelings.
I got to the end of the post and was delighted to find that this woman is already my friend. God had already led me to her and her blog. I had just forgotten how warm and wonderful God and she were together. Thank you (in)courage for the reminder.
Thank you Myra for the awesome post. You touched my heart again lady!
I love you,
Grandma Patty Ann
Myra says
Thank you so much for your comment. 🙂 You are so kind!
Beth says
Thanks so much for the much needed reminder and encouragement. Great post!
cyndi spivey says
Beautiful post Myra….thanks for sharing your heart!
Blessings,
Cyndi
Myra says
Thank you Cyndi. 🙂 You are such a sweetheart.
Mandy says
Great post, cousin! And so true for all of us – I think we all wander away from the Light at various points in our life… It’s so neat to see how He can use the simplest truths, or even songs, to bring us all back into His beauty and peace! Thanks for sharing your heart, Myra!
Myra says
Thanks Mandy for your sweet comment. Love you!
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[…] Finding My Way Back To Square One by Myra […]
Adrienne McPherson says
Myra
Thank you!!!
I am in this place right now that feels like such a struggle. It just happened. I wandered and now it seems like such a far place from God but I am so glad that you wrote this….it was such a encouragement
Myra @ My Blessed Life says
Adrienne, I’m so glad that God used my experience to encourage you. Just lifted a pray to Him for you. 🙂
Tricia says
Oh, Myra. The line about not trusting He could get you out of that situation, but knowing He was the only one who could STUNG my soul. That has been my predicament, the bump in my Christian journey for a very long time. I’ve struggled to put words, a face, to this faceless, nameless thief of the night. And the enemy fooled me into believing it was within me, when in fact, I allowed him to place that DOUBT on my heart. Thank you is not sufficient enough to explain to you quite how prolific this was to me personally; it’s an “AH HA” moment, for sure. I have got to trust Him, my Father, even though I didn’t have an earthly father I could trust in. The Lord is the only way out, and He’s the only one that craves and desires that role: my Savior. Beautiful post, from a beautiful person. You are blessed, my dear!
Myra @ My Blessed Life says
Thank you Tricia for your precious comment. HE is our everything. 🙂
Erin @ Closing Time says
Such a beautiful, powerful post, Myra. Thanks for sharing this! It is so easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and lose our focus. I am so thankful for His love and grace that draw us back!
Myra @ My Blessed Life says
Thanks Erin for your comment! His love and grace are precious to be sure. xoxo
Elaine Canaday says
Wow Myra that is a wonderful testimony and you put into words what I have felt beautifully. Struggling still but there is light…
Continue ministrying to those who need to see that glimmer of light and hope. It does matter, you matter and they do. GOD sees everyone. :0) Elaine
Myra @ My Blessed Life says
Elaine, you are a sweetheart. There is light because HE is the light. Keep on keeping on. I’m fighting for the sunshine with you. 🙂
willowsprite says
You’re speaking my heart. I’ve been feeling this way too lately.
Kimberly says
Satan loves to trap us in the dark and he does it to everyone. It’s hard not to run around in fear trying to get out of the darkness. It’s hard to remember to ask Jesus to be our light. I am terrible at wanting to do everything for myself. Control is my biggest weakness.
Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. Trust that we are all in the same boat. You are a blessing to those who feel alone in their world.
Myra @ My Blessed Life says
Thank you Kimberly for your comment. We are all in the same boat…struggling to stay in the sunshine. Blessings to you!
Darlene says
I love this Myra!
God has been scraping darkness out of the well-hidden corners of my life as well.
I love how you said it……
Myra @ My Blessed Life says
Darlene, you are so precious! Thank you for your sweet comment. I think that we all have to fight the daily darkness that tries to take over our souls. I’ve been meditating more even today on Him and His light. xoxo
Vera says
I have been in the wilderness for so long, I just couldn’t find my way back. So lost… I love your projects and love coming to your site, and it was not by accident I came upon this, but by God’s wonderful, glorious grace. Oh the joy that floods my soul and the sweet repentance! And His loving grace. I just sit here weeping as His love washes over me cleaning my brokeness away and giving me a new heat… Back to the promised land. <3
Jackie Toye says
Living out the word is Faith … and its not always a dance through flowers. Our Soul fight against the stretch and our Spirit fight for us to make us. It’s a dark time depending on the height/depth of the Next Level. Your rope was Yes, Jesus loves me, mine is Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, thoughts of peace to give you a future and a hope …” There’s something I’m believing God for and “I” feel like it should have happen quite some time ago, but it hasn’t and not things are topsy turvy, but I know God isn’t trying to hurt me .. they my rope to hold on. storm clouds gather, but my anchor holds because I know his thoughts toward me are Peaceful. Even when he stretches and it hurts …. His intention is for my good and not to harm me.