Tangled. Unfocused. Wandering. Searching.
These words describe my heart in the last few weeks. In an almost unnoticed way my heart began slipping. I didn’t see it coming, but a dark, gray cloud grew bigger and bigger right over my soul.
I cried to God for help, but I felt blind – like I couldn’t find my way back to the sunshine.
Pride kept me from talking about it. I mistakenly thought that no one would understand. Or perhaps they would think that something was wrong with me.
Something was wrong with me.
I moved away from Square One — away from delighting in Jesus’ love for me.
Life got busy. My Bible began to gather dust. Prayer decreased. Housework piled up. Relationships struggled. Disappointment in people grew. Stress and grief over my “dark cloud” escalated.
I felt helpless to escape. In my head I knew the answer, but my heart stubbornly held onto the darkness.
My spiritual predicament was similar to the children of Israel wandering in the wilderness. If only they had listened to God, they could’ve gone right into the Promised Land. But they were stubborn, as I often am, so God sent them to live in the wilderness. What a hard lesson to learn!
“The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy.” Ps. 145:8
He began to show me His graciousness, His compassion and His mercy.
In the middle of my clouded heart, His light pierced the darkness. However small that ray of light was, it was light. I couldn’t help myself, but the One who could help me was there.
I started to see and hear Him more. I saw Him in creation, I heard Him in a song, I saw Him in His Word. The light grew as He tenderly drew me back.
Yet, clouds remained. I knew He loved me. Part of me struggled to believe that He could get me out of the mess I was in, but I also knew that He was my only way out.
I will never forget the day that He demolished the cloudy darkness in my heart. His light flooded in unhindered as I listened to the words of “Jesus Loves Me.” My heart almost exploded in my chest as tears streamed down my face.
Jesus loves me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so.
Simple, beautiful truth.
Truth that showed me what really matters. Jesus loves me. How do I know that He loves me? Because the Bible tells me so.
What love. What personal, supernatural, overwhelming love.
God powerfully brought me back to Square One – a place of true peace, true happiness and true love. Jesus’ love.
It’s where I belong. It’s where we all belong.
Can I just sit and bask and soak up the brilliant light of God’s love? Yes.
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