Every day, the new year calls to me. A blank slate, a fresh page.  Another chapter waits to be written, with the proverbial pen poised in mid-air.

It’s simply unavoidable. I get a little preoccupied these first few weeks, trying to figure out what God wants for me this year.

I know, I know. Everybody who is anybody wants to be more, do better, and get going on it — Now.

I’m no different. Wanna look into my closet of goals and aspirations? Step right up – a pile stands before us. It’s a collection of parts of who I am and who I’d like to become. Among a motley crew of hopes, dreams, and disappointments, you’ll find long-faded resolutions.

There is, however, one well-worn, wishful commitment that dwarfs all others. It gets renewed every year.

Like a precious box of mementos tucked in the back of the closet, a light in my soul may dim, but still burns.

In that heap of everything and nothing, something sparks eternal.
It is the longing to be close to God.

Waves and Sand Castles

I always wish for this. Each year, I purpose to draw closer — and more regularly — with the Lover of my Soul. Without warning, I can wake up to find my determination dissipated.

It feels like I’m building sand castles in the path of a wave that seems to always find me. And wherever I move to rebuild a new one, it follows.

Sometimes, I want to just give it up, and put my bucket and shovel away.

Then, a Deeper Intuition calls me. 

Come back.  And stay.

 

A Deeper Intuition

The Holy Spirit won’t let me walk away.  He wants me returning.  Not even the waves of guilt can wash away His prompting to turn and walk the narrow way.

It’s not easy, but I think this coming and going is a just a day in the life under God’s grace.  What Quaker missionary Thomas Kelly calls “stayedness” is a craving that won’t ever go away. 

How can I get closer and wander less, so my heart in peace can stay?

The Gift of Return

Against flimsiness and flightedness, God’s voice punctuates with a powerful combination of gentleness, persistence and resolve.

Return. Now.

Not with self-recriminations or guilty, disparaging words that drain.

No, this Voice prompts.  Come to simply receive.

Just when I think it is too late — too much time and wanderings stretched between us — this Deeper Intuition invites me to receive.

Despite our misgivings, something in us believes God lavishes what our heart confesses: GRACE.

Each Turn Is Grace

Grace.  The things that turn us, God uses to love us.  In place of “Sorry”, we can say, “Thank You.”

I realize that I often try to do quiet time, apart from receiving grace. 

The giving will come later.  He will move me by His power, and not by my efforts to be better and try harder.

No matter how many times we run back to God returning, a lifetime’s worth of grace awaits.

We no longer need to draw near as a test of our faithfulness and devotion.

This year, let us experience grace, by viewing each return
as a testament to His faithfulness and devotion.

Why fret? Just return. Begin. Now.

As you are. Where you are. Return. Return.

… As for sandcastles? Let’s save them for the beach. 

Do you feel a similar pull to simply return and receive?

What areas in your life do you sense the Deeper Intuition of Grace?

** Catch Faith Barista’s Interview Exclusive with Holley Gerth! **

TOMORROW, Tuesday 1/26/10:

Click here to head over to Faith Barista Blog and catch a Special Blend Interview with Holley Gerth, our very own (In)Courage cofounder and editor. 

What is the “heart-stuff” that frees Holley to write with such transparency? Which book helped her turn the corner with grief?  Don’t miss Holley’s heartfelt sharing, as Bonnie Gray delves into the faith walk behind the Heart to Heart gal!

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