Upate: The winner of Lysa’s book is Sheri! Thanks to everyone who entered…there’s still time to order it before Christmas!
There is a fundamental need inside most girls to be liked.
We want some people of the female variety to totally get us and walk away thinking we’re pretty neat. It’s like we carry around a miniature scale. On one side we put our coolness and on the other side our total dorkiness.
Put a group of women in a space to mingle for a while and when you release them from that space, I guarantee many will walk away playing that daisy petal game in their head: “She likes me…she likes me not.”
It takes me back to my brace-faced middle school days quicker than Rick Springfield singing, “Jessie’s Girl.” Which, by the way, I totally wanted to be. I didn’t have a clue who Jessie was. But to think of Rick pining away wishing I was his…sigh.
Those were some good hairbrush-microphone rock concert days. I’d step up on my bed, hush the vast audience of stuffed animals, and suddenly my bubblegum-pink room was transformed into the downtown civic center. And Rick was totally into me. Braces and all.
But eventually I had to step out of my bubblegum-pink room into the pea-green halls of Raa Middle School. Let the mental petal picking games begin.
I talked too much. Dork.
But I did get a laugh from so-an-so. Cool.
So-and-so asked me over to her house. Way cool.
But I spit out that cookie crumb while talking to her. Why did it have to be her? Total dork.
And then the kiss of death…Popular Patty was having a party and everyone who is anyone was invited. But not me. Dork of epic proportions.
Good things we’re all matured past those middle school days. Right?
May I let you in on a secret? Just because you write a few books, speak in front of a few crowds, and achieve what you always thought would make you feel special does not fix that deep-down internal security. External achievement never equals internal acceptance.
If just getting older and piling up achievements doesn’t help us make peace with our feelings of inadequacy, what will? I’ve found a two-step process that helps–I must operate in God’s love and operate with God’s love.
Operating in God’s love means understanding how His love can redefine my natural thought processes. When I feel insecure, I can combat that feeling with a reassuring redefining word from God.
Operating with God’s love allows me to rest in a security beyond myself. It’s okay that I’m insecure if it prompts me to rely on God more fully.
If I was totally secure in myself all the time, I don’t think it would increase my qualifications for ministry. As a matter of fact, I think it would do exactly the opposite. So, in essence, my feeling like a dork sometimes is actually a gift.
Thank you, Jesus.
Excerpted from Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa Terkeurst. Leave a comment before midnight on Wednesday and you’ll be entered to win a copy! Or just get it now!Leave a Comment
I LOVE this excerpt, and I can’t wait to read more!
Wow! What a powerful post. Thank you for sharing this today. We live in a society where acceptance is a high priority in life and we all fall victim to wanting to be accepted and feeling the need to be. I love your statement that our external achievements cannot equal our internal acceptance. Such a great statement!
Kristen - Moms Sharpening Moms says
My Bible study gal pals and I are knee deep in this book, Lysa, and we are lovin’ it! God has used you to communicate some powerful truths about Him and how to live the life He intended. Praise Him.
Thank you for the excerpt. In between Bible studies now and could use the lessons shared in this book.
Just the message I needed after an insecurity filled weekend. Thank you!
I would definitely love to read this book!
Oooh – what a nice bit to dive into on a Monday morning. Thank you, it’s something I think every one of us deals with.
Wow, you have described me to a tee! It was funny and yet painful to walk down those pea green middle school halls with you this morning! Thank you for the reminder that my insecurities can bring me closer to God. I would love to read this book!
This book is SO on my Christmas list. I think we all face this issue on some level.
I am hoping the ladies in my bible study are going to want to read this book next. Thank you for addressing all the real issues that aren’t always talked about. Blessings!
Sharon Olson says
Thank you for this humbling reminder. Thank you for your transparency. I, too, would have thought those initial thoughts… What a blessing that God’s love and grace stops me in my tracks, wraps me in His embrace, and reminds me of my heart’s deepest need.
Kelly Langner Sauer says
The first part of this post reminded me of the movie, “13 Going on On 30.” I’ve wondered if part of our inheritance from Eve is this constant thwarting in our relationships as we try to be everything *we* think we should be based on the good and evil we know from the fruit we ate. The only fullness I’ve found in my relationships comes in receiving and offering God’s grace – and lots and lots of waiting. You’re so right that it is in His love and with His love that we find (and offer) any security.
Ericka Hardin says
This is just perfect timing. I am feeling God really working on my heart with this.
And it is beginning heavily with my tween daughter!
Thanks for the words!
Missy K says
Oh my goodness.
There’s that middle schooler still living inside of all of us, I think.
This got me: “External achievement never equals internal acceptance.”
Oh this speaks to my soul. Chuck Swindoll had a devotion today that went right along with this and I just read it. I love it when the Lord shows me things 2 or 3 times in a row for confirmation, I’m slow sometimes. Thanks Lysa.
Ohmyword. Yes. I keep thinking one day I will not feel the need for external reassurances of my worth from others…but not yet. I do feel like I am growing in this area, and I have discovered that the healthier I am emotionally, spiritually–the less this stuff makes me crazy. That means exactly what you said–operating in and with God’s love. Thanks Lysa!
“External achievement never equals internal acceptance.”
You have no idea how much I needed these words. As a SAHM who did not choose to accept a paid for college education and did not have career goals, I often feel like a waste. My external achievements are redundant and monotonous, although done to glorify God, there is no pat on the back, paycheck, promotion etc. I have so often felt that I needed these “worldly” things to accept who I am.
Hi Lysa … what a beautiful excerpt from your book … it causes us to notice the difference in our mindset when we ‘operate’ as if we are alone in the world at the mercy of all externals, including the people in our experience, and when we ‘operate’ as beloved Children of God who know they are loved … braces and all … Thanks Lysa for the precious insight and may God Bless you and yours always! Beverly.
Mel's World with Melissa Mashburn says
How my hearts beats loudly in my ear as I read this today…how many times have we all experienced these same feelings. I love Lysa’s transparency, her heart, and her passion to share Him with each and every one of us. Great thoughts for this day!
xoxo, Melissa in Mel’s World
Love this! Thanks so much for sharing!
a good word for the insecurities we seem to love to carry around. i can let small things destroy me…remembering who I am in Jesus keeps me balanced.
Amanda Houpt says
It is so comforting to know that ‘it’s not just me.’ I can get so down on myself with my ‘petal picking’ that I never realize that others around me do the same thing. What a blessing to remember that he created me this way – dorkiness and all!!
I love my daughters, even when they call me a ‘dork’. It keeps me humble, knowing that I do silly, dorky things. God bought me with a price ‘as is’. He loves me ‘as is’. And I would LOVE the book.
This seems to be a theme (God is using to get my attention).
Thank you for such a touchy post. It is hard to feel confident when you think so little of yourself. I’m guilty of doing it myself. I have had moments where I was sure I was “all a that” and other moments where I was reigning supreme LOSER!
God doesn’t make mistakes….and He loves me beyond what any other human could. That is what I cling to when I’m feeling that insecure feeling!
Oh, how I play this game! Even with long established friends…. it tires a body out!!
I like what was said about it being ok to be insecure if it makes us rely on God more.. well said!
As always, Lysa gives poignant, relevant thoughts for life. I’m going to have to get this book, even if i don’t “win” one!
Alyssa Rose says
Wow! I feel like I’ve been playing this game a lot lately when I am with friends and I didn’t even realize it until I read this and thought on it. It is true, I’m a daisy petal picker. I get so caught up in what others might think and if I am accepted that I find myself trying on different personailties.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you again Lysa for your God given words. I have a daughter in middle school and she has requested for advice on how to be a Bible study girl. I think I need to get myself your book, for her and me! I am so glad she is interested in reading God’s word, but I also don’t want her to get into the thinking that this is another thing on her to do list. She is a list kinda girl and when all is checked off she feels she’s accomplished her duties.
smilz 🙂 Darlene
Thanks for reminding that God loves me and has created me for who I am and that is all I need.
Mocha with Linda says
Wonderful thoughts! I’d love to win a copy.
Amy J. says
Thanks for sharing this…it is what I need to be reminded of.
beautiful… glad I’m not the only one that needs God’s help ’cause I still feel like a dork at times 😉
I would love to win this book. Lisa has eloquently phrased what I’ve tried to at times. So true.
Thanks for this post, Lysa! I’m grateful for the reminder that we must find our identity in Christ and His love for us, instead of seeking man’s approval and acceptance. Ahh, I would love to read the book! it looks incredible!
thanks so much for this post, Lysa! I’m grateful for the reminder that we must find our identity in Christ and in his love, not by seeking man’s approval and acceptance. I would love to read the book!!
Jenn Straznicky says
Encouraging post. I need to rest in His love today.
Melissa Garrick says
If being a dork is a gift, then my cup overfloweth!! Thanks for telling me about operating in and with God’s love. He is all I need 🙂
Love it! I need to read this! I think God is working on me with this topic!
Oh how I want this book…just from the exerpts I’ve read from it, it sounds so amazing. It’s so true, especially as a college student. You think you leave that behind in middle school, but you sure don’t!
Okay, so if dorkiness is a gift, then I must be truly gifted. My friend wants me to help her lead a bible study at church and I feel so inferior to the task. But there is a need for moms of young children to have a place to meet. I’m thinking that this book might help us get started. Thanks.
I love what Lysa says: “External acheivement never equals internal acceptance.” My life illustrates this so well! I have been striving & trying to build up my singing career, and have achieved small successes. (very, very small) But I am never satisfied with what I achieve. I always want more. I still feel as if it is not quite good enough. I want to get my acceptance & love from the Lord, not from external acheivement! – Melanie
Wow, that sounds so much like me! I am actually seeking counseoing (at age 45) because I am so hung up on what others think. Then I feel guilty because it only matters what God thinks of me. I’m told how much He adores me, but then I think to myself, “maybe He loves me, but is He pleased with me?” It’s a crazy cycle I need to break free from. It sounds like this study could help me work on those issues. Thank you!!
After reading the excerpt, I would make a wonderful addition to my library. “External achievement never equals internal acceptance.” What a powerful revelation!!!
Melissa Nesdahl says
Great post. Thank you for blessing my afternoon!
This is such an issue close to ALL women’s hearts!
Were you following me through my school days and beyond? Would love the book!
Cindy Leaphart says
So true! We moved this summer and I am the new Mom, neighbor, church member, COL’s wife and every other title I might have. I always come home and think, “How did that go?” and “Who will I be friends with?”. As Beth Morre says, “It’s tough being a woman”.
Just what I needed … I felt really insecure today at work, and not sure if I was accepted neither for who I was nor for what I do. So much work, so little time. That comment about working with God and in God, i.e., doing things in his strength brought home who is really in charge.
BTW Marcee – you are so not a waste. If being at home for your children is what God wants you to do now, then every little thing you do for them is worthwhile, meaningful and with a purpose. You’ll see that the time and energy you have invested in them will pay dividends both now and in the future. I’ve been both a SAHM and worked part-time, and neither way is easy! Be gentle with yourself.
This hit me right at the core today. Thank you.
This was such a great post for me. I often worry about what others think of me, and if they think I’m “cool”…but I need to remember that what God says is what’s important!
Shaunie Friday says
I SO love this book Lysa! Bless you for writing it–I’ve been recommending it to every Bible study girl and leader I know!
I needed to ponder just those words today. In days like today, when I feel weak and useless, I need to be reminded of the words that Lysa shares. Loved the thought “If I were secure in myself all the time, I don’t think I would increase my qualifications for ministry.” Thank you!
Terrible Speller says
This is just what I needed to hear. So so true and written so well.
So so so good. Thanks Lysa
Chris Charpentier says
Couldn’t have said it better, Lysa. All too often I make mistakes and wish I could have a “do over ” moment OR a “do over” day.
I haven’t read your “A Good Bible Study Girl”
but would love to.
Beautifully written! I would love to read more.
Shannon (seesaw faith) says
I thought I was past this struggle, but then over the summer things happened to make me realize that I still want to fit in, still need the approval of others, and struggle to hold others accountable because I don’t want to risk being the “lame” friend.
I think the thing that bothers me the most is that I know, intellectually, that God’s opinion should be the only thing that matters to me, but in my heart, I just want girlfriends to accept me and make me feel included and that I belong. It is a hard struggle. One I agree needs more attention than we give it.
an appropriate post to my inadequacies. my head knows you’re right
Oh how I love this post. Can’t wait to get a copy of this book.
Angie W. says
Thank you for this post and for addressing this struggle. As with all my struggles, I frequently wish I didn’t have them but they are what drive me to my Savior. I appreciate your perspective and would love to read the book!
Rebecca Brodie says
Looks like a great book. What woman doesn’t feel those things at any age?
Alvesa Benavides says
Love the way you just KEEP IT REAL!!! love & blessings!
Kelly Miller says
I can totally relate to a lot of you article… sad but true. When do we grow out of the junior high phase psychologically anyway?!?
This was a necessary read for me this morn…not yesterday, but today! Thanks for sharing from your heart!!!
aka, Pamela in TX
kim J. says
Taking time to speak daily with God is the best friendship I can have. It helps me focus on the people who are “really” my friends and not get caught up in gossip webs.
Awesome!! I’m soo blessed! This totally makes my day!!! I was going to order it right after I read this post because I really badly wanted to read it . . . but then decided to refrain for financial reasons. Now I get it free! WOOHOO!! =) Thanks so much guys! How do I send you my address?
Ohh I just noticed I happened to comment twice earlier. embarrassed grin. I didn’t see it show up the first time and tried again! Sorry about that.
Just when I was feeling like such a failure for not having accomplished much (in the world’s view) and wondering what great thing I could possibly do to remedy that, you have stated it doesn’t make one feel more secure inside. Thank you for relieving me of that pressure!
I have a big dorky side too. But I am slowly learning to accept myself (mid 40’s thing?) just as I am, whether ‘I’ feel others do or not. I am just fine in the eyes of God. In fact, HE put the dorky side in there! :0)
Thanks for touching on this very universal subject.
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