I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t been the most diligent of mothers when it comes to the eat-all-your-veges fight that plagues mothers of toddlers everywhere. This is mothering confession number one.
And now that my sweet toddler has morphed into a three-and-a-half-year-old, full of gumption preschooler, I was worried that it might be too late.
She hates vegetables. I know, I know. It’s my fault.
My older daughter took to them easily. Maybe because I forced her to eat them early on (earlier than my necessity born “whatever works” mothering philosophy kicked in) or maybe because she simply likes them. Either way, she will eat them and my three-year-old will not.
Up to a couple months ago, I hadn’t wanted to deal with the ramifications of a screaming preschooler sitting for 90 minutes at the dinner table digging her heels in over a half of a baby carrot. Mothering confession number two: I was more concerned about peace in the home than what was best for her health. So I never made her eat them.
But one Saturday night we decided to make a war out of a baby carrot.
I’m sure some of you by now are slightly offended by my seeming laid-back parenting style, or will be offended by what happened next. The rest of you know exactly what I ‘m talking about.
We warned her at the beginning of dinner that she must, by the end of the meal, eat just one carrot.
Only one. A tiny carrot the size of her pinkie finger.
And she cried, and screamed. And the rest of us attempted to eat our own carrots and chicken in relative peace. She would not eat it.
We finished, but she did not. And she continued to cry.
The Five Stages of I-Don’t-Want-To-Eat-My-Vegetables:
Surprise: “You want me to eat WHAT?”
Pleading: “Please, someone save me from the evil carrot! Anyone…anyone?”
Sorrow: “If I eat this carrot I will never be happy again. Never laugh, never smile.”
Anger: “I will not. I CANNOT eat this carrot.”
Sleep: “I’m so sleepy that I can’t eat it.”
My heart ached for her. I did not force her to eat on a full stomach. In fact, she’d barely touched her dinner. Ninety minutes had passed of my husband and I switching off sitting with her, offering her various dips (ketchup and ranch) to help her stomach the taste, and disguising the carrot in things like bread and even a cookie (my husband, not me). But by this time, it was obvious that it was about something more than the now-cold vegetable on her plastic plate.
It was about obedience.
She simply did not want to obey.
I’d like to say that she ate the carrot, chewed it fully and swallowed it with a smile on her face. But she did not.
My own energy zapped, my husband held her on his lap while they talked and she cried, in one final attempt to get his baby to eat what was healthy for her. She finally began to fall asleep in his arms and I watched him carry her up the stairs to bed.
Later he asked, “Am I a bad father, for giving in like that?”
No.
I think this is when I understood that this is how God treats us, his rebellious children. He is the perfect father and we are tired, angry babies sometimes. We kick and fight and make it about something else. We simply do not want to obey.
And it becomes not about the carrot.
And he reasons, and asks, and tells us what is expected. We still cry and whine.
Sometimes, he allows us to be disobedient and waits for another day when we might be more willing to be transformed to His likeness. He picks us up, exhausted from struggling, and carries us to our rooms. He smoothes our hair, tells us He loves us, and promises not to give up on us.
The next night, she ate the carrot. And has been eating (limited) vegetables ever since.
My husband wasn’t a bad father. In fact, maybe he was a better one for giving mercy in the same way God is merciful to us, his unwilling children.
Leave a Comment
Larie says
Oh Sarah! You ALWAYS do an awesome job at applying your daily life to God’s lessons for you and then you share them very well! AWESOME, just awesome Sarah!
I love you!
I feel as if I can understand the repitition of trials now because of your statement, “I think this is when I understood that this is how God treats us, his rebellious children. He is the perfect father and we are tired, angry babies sometimes. We kick and fight and make it about something else. We simply do not want to obey.
And it becomes not about the carrot.
And he reasons, and asks, and tells us what is expected. We still cry and whine.
Sometimes, he allows us to be disobedient and waits for another day when we might be more willing to be transformed to His likeness. He picks us up, exhausted from struggling, and carries us to our rooms. He smoothes our hair, tells us He loves us, and promises not to give up on us.”
He’s, (God), giving me another opportunity to obey! Ooooooh, that’s it?! Okay.
Then, you said this, “The next night, she ate the carrot. And has been eating (limited) vegetables ever since.”
And I have to ask, “Will I EVER eat the carrot?”
Thanks again Sarah.
smooches,
Larie
Larie says
Oh, by the way, while I’m asking, “Will I EVER eat the carrot?” I’m whining!
🙂
smooches,
Larie
Kristen - Moms Sharpening Moms says
I love how you find spiritual truths in the most basic of parenting dilemmas…how to get your sweet girl to eat her veggies. Thank you for posting this! What an encouragement.
Jo@Mylestones says
Makes me think of this Abe Lincoln quote:
Abbie says
You are so right. Sometimes it’s not about the carrot. And sometimes it’s ok to give in.
Also, it’s totally true that if you expect them to eat veggies from the beginning, they go down easier! (Experience is a good teacher – I’ve done it BOTH ways, too!)
Jami says
Wow! Thank you for this. It was exactly what I needed to read this morning.
Angela says
Wow. Wonderful.
I have a very pick three-year-old, too. He’s *always* been picky, and I, too, usually take the path of least resistance. (He’s sitting across from me eating Cookie Crisp cereal for breakfast while my 18-month old–who eats anything–is eating scrambled eggs and yogurt.)
Sigh….
Corinne says
This is just lovely. And heartwarming, because parents all over can identify with this metaphor for our relationship and struggles with God. (my son will not eat a single vegetable… or fruit for that matter… unless it’s baked in the form of bread or muffins)
Elizabeth@LongtoLove says
I’ve definitely been the unwilling child…so grateful that God’s mercies are new every morning!
Thanks for the great post!
Katie-Pensacola, FL says
Good stuff, Sarah, always is ……..
Chrissy says
I’m so lucky because I never had food battles at all with my son. That’s not to say there weren’t battles, because my goodness, were there ever. They just weren’t about food.
I believe, especially with a toddler, there comes a point in time when someone has to wave the white flag. Most likely, it isn’t going to be her. I think Chad did the right thing. I mean, how can you argue with the fact that now, even in limited quantities, she’s eating vegetables?
Your writing is wonderful. I’ve been reading your blog since I found it last night and have so much I want to say! It’d be great if we could get together for lunch sometime! 😉
Robbin says
Great analogy AGAIN!! We had a time with both girls as they LIED about their obvious disobedience and we sent the older one to the room until she told the truth (the younger one gave in quickly). A day and half later, she finally told the truth. The thing is it was written all over her face. Sounds like I need to blog this…which my daughters will most likely hate me for. But thanks for your insights all the time. I love how the Lord shows you things through the dailies of your life.
Megan says
Oh wow. Good post. I’m pretty new to this site (and to your writing). Nicely done.
Becca says
I LOVE your post and your blog – Sarah, you always help me see how Jesus shows Himself to us in our every day life. As a mom, a wife, a person with struggles and pain . . . thanks for that!
Ashleigh (Heart and Home) says
I’m there TODAY with the three year old in my house. Gentle leading, grace, and love… sometimes the hardest road to travel.
Mary @ Passionate Perseverance says
Wonderful analogy! Just what I needed to hear. I need to go eat my carrots now!
Angelica Bays says
Yeay! You stuck to your guns (and she stuck to hers) but now she know you mean what you say and she can depend on you for other things.
(((It’s tough being a Good Parent)))
Shaunie Friday says
Beautiful insight, beautifully written Sarah! Such a great picture of how loving and patient and tender our Father is with us–you really made that picture vivid for us–thank you so much!
Samantha @ Mama Notes says
so so good. thank you.
Sara says
I know those veggie battles. Ours tend to be with meat, but thankfully, the tantrums have finally subsided for the most part.
Beautiful, Sarah. Loved how you tied to the Lord’s mercy.
Traci says
Beautiful post, Sarah. Thanks for sharing!
Hugs,
Traci
Jen says
I am glad to know that you also have a child who digs their heels in over a crazy small tiny thing and then it becomes obvious that it is all about obedience. And thank you for the validation that it’s okay for us to have mercy 🙂
Sarah@Clover Lane says
Love, Love, Love the last line. Mercy…we need to show it to our children just like God shows it to us.
Absolutely beautiful.
Excellent post.