The certified letter had brought the news that I needed to get a biopsy.
So I went. Five days, they said. I waited.
Few things are as eternal as waiting to find out whether or not you have cancer.
I remember playing with my children and, in the midst of conversation and laughter, a weight would fall on me. Dark clouds gathered. I’d try to maintain my smile while my mind took me down every conceivable road that the test results could lead.
During those endless days of waiting, I jumped every time my phone rang and sleep came fitfully, if at all.
I was fearful. Fearful for my husband when he traveled. Fearful for my kids when they were sick or trying new things. Fearful for myself. Honestly, I’d always been afraid of dying young – because my mother did and an irrational part of me imagined that I certainly would too.
And then, somewhere in my journey of waiting, I began to understand that fear is a product of vanity. When my hopes and my dreams were my ultimate goal, I was full of fear, because they were out of my control.
But when I put my hope in Him, when I raised my arms high and stretched them out wide and boldly declared, “God, whatever brings You the most glory, that is what I want.” …the fear dissolved.
It was as if this horrible, overwhelming monster was revealed to be only the shadow of something small and weak; whimpering away at the sight of a woman in love with a great and glorious God.
The transformation was truly amazing. The dread of worst case scenarios was gone. Completely gone.
Of course, if my test results had come back abnormal I certainly wouldn’t have been thrilled. But as I waited, still uncertain of the outcome, I could honestly say that I wanted whatever brought Him the most glory.
Because where His glory is, people find freedom. Where His glory is, people find love. And where His glory is, people find hope.
And, whether I live to be 36 or 96, that is what I want my life to be about.
If you struggle with fear, be encouraged, my friend, that it doesn’t have to win. It can’t win. It won’t win.
There’s an Old English proverb that I love:
Fear knocked at the door. Love answered. No one was there.
Do you struggle with fear? How can we pray for you?
If you’re reading this, whether fear is an issue you deal with or not, please take just 5 minutes to pray for those who share in the comments.
By Kat from Inspired To ActionLeave a Comment