Hope Like a Child

 

(Note: This post wasn't written today...but it seemed time to share it.)

I thought I was pregnant.

I started playing out scenarios in my mind—how I would tell my parents, when the baby would come, what it would be like to hear the laughter of a child in our house.

I knew better but I hoped anyway.

Most of the time I'm at peace and content with where I am in my journey so I just don't think about how things could be different...but once in awhile I do.

Do you know what that’s like? Maybe not with having a child but with that dream you carry around in a little box in your heart—lid tightly on, rarely spoken of, the one that breaks your heart and keeps it going all at the same time?

This morning I knew for sure that dream wasn’t coming true this month.

I called a friend and told her the news. She made that sound that women do when they’re comforting each other. She said that she was sorry and that she would take a walk with me.

I hung up the phone and wandered around the house, fighting the feelings.

I tend to hold sadness at arm’s length.

But today I pictured myself as a little girl running toward God, arms outstretched, tears streaming, calling, “Abba, Daddy, it hurts.”

And I imagined Him scooping me up, letting me rest my head on his shoulder as I cried, saying again and again, “It’s okay. Daddy’s here and He loves you.”

So I let myself boo-hoo. Or, as we say in the South, the head hangin' tears drippin' snot streamin' kind of cryin' that makes the dog worry a little.

And I was okay again.

It seems we try to protect God from our grief, as if it means He’s not taking care of us—otherwise wouldn’t we be like happy little children all the time?

But I'm slowly learning that the child who can run to a parent in a moment of pain, even if the parent has somehow allowed it (like shots at the doctor), that is a different sort of trust and love. We’re expressing, “You are my safe place no matter what.”

"Though he slay me yet will I trust him," said Job.

So I come again to the One who came for me—who knows what it’s like for hope to cost.

Yet a heart that never hurts is one that never hopes...and that is the highest price of all.

One I’m not willing to pay. 

I went on the walk with my friend and her two little ones. We looked for turtles in a pond, skipped rocks, and laughed at the ducks--gifts from Heavenly Father. I found joy. And gradually I knew again that just as my friend takes care of her children, He takes care of us...always.

Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere. Psalm 84:10

Lord, our hope is in you alone.

 

What is your heart hoping for today?

p.s. Remember you have until midnight CST on Tuesday the 10th to enter the Danielson Sign giveaway!

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Finishing Together

  

Update: A big "thank you!" to Mark and Keri from KLRC for featuring this post on the Morning Show. KLRC is an amazing Christian radio station that has won about a zillion awards. You can listen to them online at klrc.com or read the KLRC Morning Show blog.

Sunday morning we place our bikes on the back of the truck, head down the road, and set out to ride. The sky is brilliant blue, colors pop like fireworks as we whiz by, friendly joggers and fellow bikers wave hello.

This is how we start--fresh, easy, sure that it will always be this way.

Then miles pass, who knows how many? And my legs begin to ache just a little. Thirst comes and the sun, once cheerful, feels hot on my neck.

He is ahead on the trail, not feeling it as I do. I find all of a sudden that we are in different places, going at different paces.

Then I regain strength and pass him when he's not looking. He laughs, surprised. Out of my view, I only hear the whir of wheels behind me letting me know he is still there.

Now and then we catch up to each other and chat about what is happening in our lives. He encourages me up a long hill. I giggle as I try to zig-zag around him.

It is toward the end of the ride, finally, and the weariness hits me like a weight. He is ahead, pushing hard to the finish. All at once I feel a fear. I call his name. "Wait!"

He turns, concerned, and comes back to my side. "What's wrong?" he asks.

I tell him, "I just want us to finish together."

Then a kaleidoscope of almost ten years flashes through my mind—a wedding day, white dress, one-bedroom apartment, countless dinners with friends, our first house, our first dog, tears, laughter, kitchen table, warm bed, lost jobs, found jobs, church services, disagreements, making up, grad school, holidays, hopes for the future.

And I realize, as in today, that staying close to anyone in life—husband, family, friends—takes great effort no matter how much we love them. One speeds up, the other slows down. Then the pattern reverses. Sometimes we are together and other times in life's busyness we only hear the whir of wheels somewhere close to us.

Rounding a corner, my thoughts are interrupted as I glimpse our truck. I had not realized how near we were to the end. Do any of us?

We reach it side-by-side. That is all that matters now.

We said we would finish together.

We did.

And we will.

 

p.s. Jenni Saake is giving away a copy of my book, Rain on Me, on her blog www.HarvestingHope.blogspot.com. Friday is the last day to enter. She has an amazing heart for encouraging women so I hope you'll stop by!

Come and Listen, Sorrow is Singing

Grief Group came again last night. This is the hardest one, the day when they tell their stories. You can see it in their eyes as they walk through the door, how they have been turning their words over and over like rocks, sifting and sorting, trying to find the right ones to tell of love and a lifetime.

How do you do this in a room full of strangers and only a few moments? But they do, brave souls, they do.

In the telling there is pain, yes, but also a striking beauty. Because although they speak of death, they mostly speak of life. They tell stories--funny ones, sweet ones, long ones, short ones--about the brilliant moments shared with the ones they love.

What strikes me about these stories, always, is that they are so very ordinary. They talk of things like fishing, friendship, building a family. Last night several of them said with voices full of emotion, "They taught me so much of what it means to live life."

That sentence swirled around my heart long after I got home. There is such glorious simplicity in it. Because this teaching comes not through grand accomplishments, fame, or fortune. No, the lessons come in quiet moments, the touch of a hand on a shoulder, a long laugh with a child.

Really, learning life comes so much more in being than in doing.

I needed to be reminded that although love is a verb it's not so much about action--at least in the way we tend to think. More often it's about stillness, togetherness, sharing life that seems insignificant but turns out to be the very best of what's left behind when we're gone.

Those stories blended together and sang my heart a song. Some high notes, some low, all having a place and purpose. And if you were listening I think this is the chorus you would hear...

Live well

Die well

Most of all,

Love well

God's Heart for You

Update: The random number generator picked comment number 13 which came from Sarah Markley! Congratulations, girl! I hope you'll all take a moment to visit her fabulous blog. If you'd still love to get the necklace go to DaySpring.com. And you can use discount code LIFE20 for an extra 20% off your entire purchase until the end of this month.

As I start a new week, I'm feeling the need to be reminded of how God's feels about me. About a year ago, I put together a list of everything I could find about that in Scripture. I'm sharing a few of those verses here and if you want the whole file, you can click on it below (there are about 60 all together!).

God created you

God saw all that He had made,

and it was very good.

GENESIS 1:31 NIV

 

God accepts you

Accept one another, then,

just as Christ accepted you,

in order to bring praise to God.
ROMANS 15:7 NIV

 

God knows your heart

The Lord looks at the heart.

I SAMUEL 16:7 NIV

 

God’s presence is with you

My Presence will go with you,

and I will give you rest.

EXODUS 33:14 NIV

 

God delights in you

For the Lord takes delight in His people.

PSALM 149:4 NIV

 

God cares about you

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.

He cares for those who trust in Him.

NAHUM 1:7 NIV

Download God's Heart for You

 

I really debated about whether or not to do a giveaway because I know I've done a lot lately, but this sterling silver DaySpring necklace is just so perfect that I couldn't resist. It's actually called "God's Heart for You" and has a word on each side--Chosen, Cherished, Created, and Celebrated. It comes with a little card that has a Scripture for each word. So just leave a comment before midnight on Tuesday and you'll be entered to win.

I'm praying for you right now (and for me too) that we'll know and live in the truth of just how much we're loved!

What goes around...

I recently said farewell to a dear friend of mine. My cell phone, a constant companion for the last five years (yes, five!), bit the dust for good during the ice storm last week. I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when.

I went to pick up my new phone yesterday. As I was standing at the counter a frantic woman arrived. As she waited, she shifted from foot-to-foot, glanced around, and sighed a few times. Finally, the clerk asked her what she needed. She replied, "Do you have a charger for this phone? I've been to four stores and no one has what I need because it's so old." The clerk shook his head.

As she held up her phone, I realized the little holes for the charger looked oddly familiar. They were an exact match with my old phone. I said, "I've got a car charger outside you can have and two more at home I can mail to you."

Suddenly, a huge smile crossed her face and she exclaimed, "Really? That would be wonderful!" You would have thought she won the lottery.

Later in the day I thought about how God must be into details. He also must think a whole lot of the woman I met. It seemed He orchestrated everything down to the very second so that our paths could cross and her request could be answered. (Want to know a secret? He thinks a lot of you too!)

It seems we're all like that woman on some days. Our hearts need "chargers" (aka encouragement) to keep going. Just when we think we'll never find what we're searching for God sends a kind word, an understanding friend, or whatever we need our way--sometimes from the most unlikely of sources.

All of this reminds me of an amazing video I just discovered thanks to Michael Hyatt and Jason Rovenstine. It's all about validation and how it eventually comes full circle. It's 16 minutes long but totally worth it. Here's the link: Validation.

In cell phones and in life, I never cease to be amazed by what a difference a little bit of connection can make.

Ice, Ice Baby

I apologize for my silence this week. You can
blame it on the recent ice storm that swept
through the South. I've been without power for
several days and Mark is out of town.

At first, it was a bit of an adventure. We briefly lived in Colorado so our closet is stocked with unused ski gear. I layered up in three pairs of pants, three shirts, a coat, hat, scarf, and three pairs of socks (apparently I think three of anything is good). I read by a book by flashlight and slept in my sub-zero sleeping bag on the couch. Ice-covered limbs crashing into the yard woke me up several times. The next morning my cell phone died. That's when I began to panic just a bit. I sat down on the bed and prayed, "God, what do I do now?"

Just then I heard a knock on the door. It was my friend Brian and he had come to rescue me. So now I'm hanging out with his wife Cynthia, who is also my dear friend, and their little boy Austin. We just finished "cooking" a pie, cake, brownies, spaghetti, pizza, casserole, and eggs on Austin's toy stove. A moment ago He announced from the kitchen that I'm his girlfriend. Even as a toddler, it appears the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

The power just flickered so I'm going to post this while I still can. I hope all of you are warm and safe!

True Hope for Our Hearts

I recently wrote this devotional and wanted to share it with you...

The eyes of the LORD are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love. PSALM 33:18

Turn on your television and you’ll see a kaleidoscope of hope. The housing industry hopes for an economic recovery. Little boys and girls hope for the latest toy to be under the tree on Christmas morning. The incoming administration hopes to change our country. People hope their New Year’s resolutions will improve their lives.

We could each add a hope of our own to the list. Perhaps yours is a hope for a loved one to return safely from deployment. Maybe you hope this year you’ll beat the diagnosis. You might hope for your marriage to be reconciled. Or you may be hoping today for a job to replace the one recently lost.

Hope is a gift from God. It helps us look to the future and face another day. Yet there is a far deeper hope for us than any of those listed above. In the book of Psalms, King David uses the phrase “hope for” one time. But he uses the phrase “hope is in” six times. Over and over he essentially says to God, “My hope is in you.” That kind of hope is much deeper and wilder. It’s based on an unshakeable trust in God and a belief that only He can truly save us and fulfill the desires of our hearts.

I’ve had a taste of that kind of hope. For more than four years, my husband and I have struggled with infertility. When we began that journey, our hope was for a baby. While that hope is still there, we’ve also discovered hoping in God is where our hearts truly find rest. During baby dedication in church recently I felt the ache return. Silently I began to repeat, “Lord, I know you. I trust you no matter what happens. You have blessed us so much—if you are withholding this from us then it is for a good and loving reason.” As we began to worship, the hurt in my heart slowly was replaced once again by an inexplicable hope.

There’s something about shifting our focus from what we hope for to who we hope in that soothes our souls and brings healing to our hearts. None of us know what the future will hold but we do know the One who holds every moment of our lives in His hands. As we celebrate and begin a new year, may we firmly place our hope in the God who came for us and promises to be with us always. In the unending kaleidoscope of hope around us and within us, He is the One who never changes.

The Super-Duper Quick and Easy Encouragement Guide

As a greeting card writer people often say to me with fear and trembling, “I want to encourage others...but what do I say?” I know that look in their eyes. It’s the same one I get when I try to cook or decorate. (Yes, it’s true. I could write a book about a party but I’m not sure I’ve got the skills to actually throw one.)

That’s why I love those recipes that have five ingredients, take ten minutes, and make you look like you’re the queen of the kitchen. The five tips below are intended to work the same way when it comes to encouraging someone. Those you care about will feel loved, you’ll breathe a sigh of relief, and with all your free time you can send me an e-mail about how to be more domestic.

Here are five simple words you need to remember when it comes to encouragement...

1) Small – Most people receive applause for the big things in life. Promotions, new babies, and consistently great hair get a lot of attention. But few of us get told when we do the little things well. Choose something you think no one else has noticed and say something.

2) Specific – It’s easy to give global compliments. The word “special” has gotten a bad rap for this reason. It sounds good…but what exactly does it mean? Show you’re paying attention by making the compliment like a little gift you picked out just for that person. For example, “I love the way you snort when you laugh because it sounds like a train whistle.”

3) Sincere – Flattery is always a no-no. On the other hand, don’t let this make you clam up. I have this internal dialogue that runs through my head every time I get ready to give a compliment. It goes something like, “Do I mean it? What if I think I meant it but I might not mean it but I do think I mean it but they don’t think I mean it?” So I’m saying to both of us right now, stop it. The fact that we’re worried about it means we mean it. Enough already…spit it out.

4) Sensitive – This doesn’t mean that you need to hand them a kitten and share some cotton candy. Sensitivity simply means being aware of your audience. Know what makes them feel loved. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a great resource. He says there are five primary ways we give and receive love: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch, and Gifts. I’ve been talking primarily about words (that’s mine) but for the one you love it might be someone else. Be a detective and figure it out.

5) Spiritual – Finally, we all want to have a greater meaning in purpose in life. But while we’re busy washing dishes, changing diapers, or going to meetings that can seem far away. Help those you love connect the dots by saying things like, “The way you nurture your kids reminds me of God’s heart for us.”

Mix all of the above, combine with prayer, and share generously. You’ll be the Rachel Ray of encouragement before you know it. And everyone will be coming back for more.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. I THESSALONIANS 5:11 NIV

Coming Up for Air

I’m posting a picture of my desk because that’s where I read most of what you write to me. Thank you so much to all of you who left comments or sent me an encouraging e-mail.

I could sense your prayers wrapping around my heart like a wonderful, warm blanket. You brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. I wish you were here so I could hug each and every one of you!

All of your prayers helped and I’m feeling better today.

When I was a kid, my friends and I spent hours at the local pool seeing who could hold their breath the longest. I’d make it all the way to the other end of the pool, surface, and suck in air that tasted so sweet that it gave me a brand new appreciation for something I did thousands of times a day without even thinking about it. For that moment, air was the best thing God ever invented.

I feel that way emotionally. I’m coming up for air. After writing my last post, I spent about an hour thinking, journaling, and praying. I asked myself and God, “How did I get here?” (Being a counseling intern makes me feel obligated to do a little self-therapy now and then.)

So I went through every area of my life—physical, emotional, mental, social, spiritual—and wrote about it. In one section, I made a list of things that renew me. Here’s part of it in no particular order…

1)      Time with friends – Being one-on-one with a dear friend soothes my soul like few other things do. (My husband counts as a friend too.)

2)      Life’s little pleasures in moderation – Good coffee, dark chocolate, sushi.

3)      Being outside – Every time Mark and I grill out and sit on the patio I start believing the world is a good place again.

4)      Exercise – When I get my body moving the rest of me feels better too.

5)      Reading – I can still get lost in a good book in a way that’s like a vacation without going anywhere.

6)      Educational TV – What Not to Wear, Unwrapped, Dirty Jobs, John & Kate Plus 8. I seem to only like TV when I’m learning something. Nerdy perhaps, but true.

7)      Writing – There’s something about putting words on paper in any way, shape, or form that heals my heart.

8)      Napping – Sometimes I just need a little sleep!

9)      New experiences – Whether it’s a restaurant I’ve never tried, travel, or something else, my mind loves a challenge.

10)   Time with God – Prayer, reading the Bible, Christian music, writing in my journal, anything with my Abba.

I also wrote in my journal:

I think I need to be more aware that there’s an inner bank account going on in my life. Deposits and withdrawals are being made every day. If I’m getting a lot of deposits, I need to look for more ways to share. If I’m getting a lot of withdrawals (which seems to be the case lately) then I need to intentionally make deposits to balance things out again.

Lord, help me to be wise and aware of my inner bank account. Show me how I can be intentional about making deposits so I have something to give when You ask me to contribute to the Kingdom. Amen.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

So that’s a little glimpse of what’s been on my heart the last few days. I’m gratefully thinking of all of you, wherever you are, and asking God to fill your “inner bank account” with whatever you need right now.

Love,

Holley