The Rest of Your Story 19: What if your history hurts?

To start from part one, click here.

Some of you are saying, "I want to go in new directions but I don't know how to move on from the past." I've read your comments. All of them.

In the Meaningful Memories post many of you mentioned it was hard to find even one good memory. I left a comment for you too...

"For those of you who said it can be hard to find a happy memory...you are so right. Hurt seems to stay right there on the surface. Digging through it to the joy takes a lot of work! I am sorry for the heartache you've endured.

I wish I could take each 'little girl you' in my arms today. I would set you on my lap, look into your beautiful eyes, and tell you...

'This is never how God intended it to be. You are loved, chosen, cherished, wanted, of great worth, and you will amount to MUCH in His Kingdom.' "

We live in a fallen world. None of our stories are as they should be, some more than others. I wish I could make healing happen right here, right now. As you already know, it's a journey far more complicated than a blog post. 

As I thought of you, my eyes drifted to my bookshelf. And I want to share several books that have helped in my personal healing...

 
  

Making Peace with Your Past by H. Norman Wright

Recovering from Losses in Life by H. Norman Wright

Changes that Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud

Life's Healing Choices by John Baker

Breaking Free by Beth Moore

Rain on Me by Holley Gerth  

(I wrote this book out of my ongoing journey of loss. It's about healing in the middle of the storm, even if you don't know when blue skies are coming.)

Whether your hurts are recent (like mine) or from many years ago, God cares.

It's a bit of a cliché but still too true not to say...

He really does want to transform our history into HIS STORY.

Today the next S.T.E.P. for all of us is just whispering a ten word prayer, "A little more healing, Lord, a little more healing today...."

I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland...so my chosen people can be refreshed. - God, Isaiah 43

 

** If the hurts in your history are interfering with your daily life I would encourage you to seek out a trusted counselor. (I have several times!) To find one, visit The American Association of Christian Counselors e-counseling site.

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TODAY'S QUESTION: What has helped bring healing to your history?

Every comment during the challenge = an entry for $50 to DaySpring.com, including the (in)courage shop!

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Comments

[Becky]

Dear Holley,

Thank you for this thoughtful, caring post. Thank you for the book suggestions. I am looking forward to checking into them further. I have recently purchased your book, am excited about it, and have begun reading it.

That which has helped bring healing for me primarily is a sweet hospital chaplain who my husband and I were introduced to the day my husband found out his cancer had returned. She lovingly cared for him (and me, too) those next months and she has continued to help me through the grief process.

My healing began the day that I realized God was taking care of me back on that day when my husband and I were introduced to her. He foresaw my need for help through this time and was already taking care of it. God is so good. :)

Books that I have received have helped a great deal, too. My chaplain friend recommended an old devotional, called "Streams In The Desert" by Mrs. Chas. Cowman that she said helped her when she went through trying times. I did seek out that book and it has helped me many days.

I think I need to get off of the computer now and go whisper a ten-work prayer. :)

Thank you again, Holley! and Blessings! <3

[Cari]

Writing and speaking...oddly enough, the most healing for me has come in the process of preparing to share my most personal heartaches with an audience. But, it isn't the speaking that is healing so much as the writing the speech. Framing those hurtful memories in metaphor and looking at them from through a hindsight lens, specifically watching for God's hand in the midst of the storm. Seeing life in that way reveals blessings I had never uncovered before, and understandings that I had never reached.

[nancy]

This may sound trite, but it's deep truth in my life: healing has come as I've been able to let go and forgive those who have hurt me, and as I've accepted my part in the circumstances, repented, and forgiven myself. Too often I have wanted to totally blame someone else for the pain in my life. It is only when I stop and "get real" with myself that I can break through to the truth... and that generally means that I need to repent and forgive. God is faithful and he wants His best for me. He doesn't give up until I "get it" and respond in obedience to Him. Those times can be painful, but they are the way to healing.

[Natalie]

Wow, God's timing is perfect isn't it. It is great to hear the comments of healing and reaching out to be healed. As we read other "stories" we can realize that we are not alone. That God does hear and sends us just what we need if only we "let go and let God". Actually that is a book my mom gave to me 30 some years ago. So true. And yes it is an action to "let go". One of my life long favorite scripture is Proverbs 3:5-6. And I too can say I am still seeking for that path, His path. When we do trust Him, I believe God wants us to seek, and when we look back it will be Him we see in our journey along the way. Holley, I also appreciate your list of books. I studied Beth Moore's "Breaking Free" that was wonderful, so beautiful to feel beautiful. God's gift to us.

May you all find joy in God's healing as we take these steps forward acknowledging Him along the way. Thank you!

[sal]

Thanks so much Holley. Especially for suggesting the books from you shelf. I'm not sure if they are available at Christian book stores in Colombo, Sri Lanka where I live...but I just thought I'd ask my sis who lives in NJ to look out espcailly for your book...she's due to arrive here on Friday. I guess your pain has helpd you connect and feel compassion for people...it's so evident in your writings and I thank God for you.

Right now 2 dear sisters in Christ are in 'pain' and I'd love to share your book with them.

[Lennette Daniels]

Tricky question Holley!

Most of the time, I am able to let go of the past (recent and ancient) hurts that I have felt and concentrate on the future but being human means that these things still show their faces again. When I feel myself begin to dwell on the history, I remember that His plan says I had to feel those hurts, to build my faith and strength. There was a purpose for that pain even if it is hard to see.

Also, it helps to realize that dwelling on the intense pain that was caused by someone else is letting that person (who most likely wasn't a good person) shape the person who I am and I don't want them to have any power to change the person I am or want to be.

Of course, this attitude takes daily work and daily reminders that we are more than our past experiences and choices. We are our future too.

[Sherri]

Beth Moore's Breaking Free Bible study has been very helpful for me! Also Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind. Both ladies' continued lectures and speeches help me in a ongoing manner.
What has been also very helpful for me and my hurts is a circle of christian friends who are there to talk to me, support me and who keep encouraging me to keep on hoping and trusting GOD.

[linda]

It is people like you Holley-- trusted friends and counselors-- who are willing to serve as vessels for Christ's transforming love, who have brought hope and healing into my brokenness and pain...

[El]

I read a book, by Florence Littauer, that said... if you don't have any memories of your childhood, there is a reasonable chance you have experienced some kind of abuse- physical, emotional, or sexual. I decided to write out singular events as a collection of short stories as a means of healing. I had talked to God and my doctor about my plan to pursue healing in this manner and I was 'well supported.' I have almost finished my 'book' and I am amazed at how many good memories I now have as proof of my healing. God is faithful! I am blessed!

[Kristi]

I haven't been commenting much, but I had to share about how I am being healed. I've found I am being healed the most by talking about my story. Maybe it's because I've only shared it with supportive friends, or maybe it's just the healing factor of not keeping it bottled up. Whatever the reason, I've found it cathartic. Also, Beth Moore's "Get Out of that Pit" was very helpful.

[Hannah]

Holley, I love your response to the hurt. When you said that you wanted to have us crawl in your lap and speak those things to us it did reach a "little girl" space in my heart. When you've been hurt, there is a hope that someone will scoop you up and whisper truth to you. I've been blessed to have that spoken to me over the hurt in my past. If that had not happen, I think I would still be bitter and jaded. I know I would still be wounded and miserable. Granted, the hurts are still there, but the open wounds are just scars now. I'm anxious for the day when I can be released even of those. It might not be till Heaven, but I'm so grateful that one day it will happen.

[Abra]

Thank you for the book recommendations, Holley! Very helpful!

[pam]

my support system has helped me to deal with my sons death. also, praying, and many hours of counseling have helped too.time does heal , but the hurt goes on.

[Valerie]

I've found healing in talking to a friend/counselor about feelings of shame as a child/teenager/young adult about a struggle I faced. I had never shared that with anyone before, but through sharing, I began to find healing.

[POUT]

Staying tied in to a strong church community with friends who care keeps me strong in both belief and faith. Without belief and faith I wouldn't be able to go on sometimes. Since I have a hard time talking to others, the second part of the path to healing is writing. I wish I could keep a journal, but I'm too inconsistent for that and besides, I'm not sure that journaling is all that it's cracked up to be for me personally. Ha! So why am I participating in this journaling event? It's not self-directed, so it is fresh everyday. The final bit that brings healing is song. Sometimes I can only breathe in a rhythm, then soul-ripped sighs become moans in tune with the pain. Remaining focused on letting God create something beautiful out of my pain allows the moans to form into song. Sometimes sobbing, but ultimately flowing with peace. There have been times when the song is long in coming, but it always comes.

In times of pain and sorrow, I cling to the promise that He will not forget me, because He has engraved me on the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:15-16). I think of Jesus crying out to the Father to take away the cross and know that He too suffered anguish (albeit far beyond any I've known) and it gives me permission to be a Christian and cry over pain and suffering.

This is rambling, so I'll stop. This will take form in my personal hard copy. Thank you, Holley for asking these questions.

[Maura]

The big answer to that question is Jesus. Without Him, I would not know healing. To Him alone be the glory!
The small answer to that question for me is transparency. I have found that healing cannot take place for me in a vacuum. I need other people with whom I can be true and authentic. I have found that the more I hide my hurts, the worse they become and almost take on a life of their own. They become bigger and twisted and sick. But when I am transparent with others, honest about my pain and my failings, I have found that to be healing for both me and the person I share with. Healing always happens in the light, the Light.

[Sheila Buchanan]

What has helped me most to bring "healing" to my "history" is to accept the "truth" about things that have happened and share this truth with others-my trusted friends and my therapist. I have for so long felt like a "fake" because I wanted the world to see a happy Christian woman who could handle all life dished out, but inside I was miserable and "dying". I now feel alive, hopeful and happy. The truth can be hard to face and accept, but it's so worth it in the end. All the difficult things I've endured have made me stronger and I now can thank God for them.

[Melissa]

My husband has been so influential in helping me to walk through the process of healing the hurts in my past (and present). We grew up with such opposite family cultures and his insights into forgiveness, communication, love and conflict resolution have helped me to become a different person than I would be without him. I know that God brought us together for a reason at a young age; we were 17-years-old when we started dating. Growing up together has helped us to develop into the adults we are today. God has strategically placed other relationships in my life for much the same reason. There are key people who have taught me new ways to deal with those hurts in the past and who walk with me through the hurts in the present.

[Treava]

"What has helped bring healing to your history?"

GRACE! Traumatized, I sat in the center of a lobby, surrounded by people who were also traumatized, some far worse than myself. And it suddenly dawned on me, I so badly wanted to take each one of those little girls into my arms, sit them in my lap, look into their beautiful eyes, and tell them...

Holley, your email today touched my heart in a very profound way. Not only does healing come to me through grace and new eyes to see what is truly beautiful in the world around me, but God sends people into my life whose touch is tender and gentle on my wounds. Kind of reminds me of My Father's hands. :)

By the way, I FINALLY got my "love story" written and posted. But I must admit, I'm a little on the technically-stupid side. I haven't figured out how to get a link to it posted. Are links to facebook "notes" okay? And where should I post the link? Also, should I wait until Friday to post it? I'm sorry for the trouble. I'd just really like to share my little story. I think perhaps God may have blessed it. :)

[Bonnie Johnson]

Healing IS coming but not without a lot of hard, determined work on my part to which God's response is nothing short of amazing. I've spent hours in His Living Word, so old yet always new and applicable to say the least. I cannot imagine where my jaded, conflicted, pained heart would be today without His tender care of me through His word. I plead with one who's heart is in a fetal position, consumed with pain to get up and slowly begin to let truth and love set you free through His letter to you. Give Proverbs, Psalms, and John a try to start with. I feel your pain. You're not alone~

[Joanne]

My personal history has many hurts I had to overcome.
T book that helped me most was The Purpose Driven Life, especially, in my case Day 2.You will notice I said has ,not had.

[Amy]

"What has helped bring healing to your history?"

Easiest question ever, for me!

Watching God take the mistakes I've made, the hurts and fears I've experienced, and USE THEM FOR HIS GLORY...TO HELP POINT OTHERS TO THE HOPE AND REDEMPTION FOUND IN HIM!

Sorry, I get excited about that ;)

[Lo]

My history hurts so much that I've really tried to block most of it out over the years. When you are told by the one person that is suppose to love and nuture you that you were a mistake, that you were worthless and that you ruined their life by your existance, you tend to wonder why you were born. I've speant my whole life asking God why. Last year I was encouraged to take a week-end retreat. A Walk to Emmaus. A spiritual leader at that retreat took the "little girl in me" in her arms and told me that I was not a mistake and that God loved me and there was a reason and purpose for my life. I think that was the first time that I felt like maybe that was true.

[Annie]

Since 2008 I started to have a regular day retreat about once every 1-2 months. I met a spiritual director who guide me to see Jesus in what I encounter. I also have a counselor who helped me to see myself more.

One significant healing is my inner ice wall with my mum has melted. I can relate w/ her in a more relax way now.

I am the type of person who cares about relationship a lot. However, I have a lot of disappointment! Through counselling and met w/ my spiritual director, I have a better understanding of myself and less disturbed by all these disappointments!

I am looking forward for a healthy and intimate relationship in the rest of my story!

Annie

[Blessings]

Holley, I am just beginning to work on my new story. I am a single mom with two girls who has fallen into the rut of just surviving. I have discovered I have been mad at God and stopped trusting him because He has never answered my prayers. Or as I feel , "given me the desires of my heart." I am ready to sell my home, change jobs and uproot my family to improve our story . Fear and uncertainty is trying to take its grip on me, making me doubt my ability to handle all of this. And in the midst I am dealing with overcoming depression that has settled over me. Your words have brought some hope and comfort.