The Rest of Your Story 20: How do you compare?

It's a junior high lunch table. We eavesdrop on giggly girls...

"My boyfriend is captain of the football team."

"I found THE COOLEST JEANS last weekend!"

"I got an A on the Science test."

Is anyone else's heart racing just thinking about being back there. Good grief.

Okay, I've regained my composure. The point is that as women we compare. A lot.

We tend to berate ourselves for this tendency. But really, I just think it's part of how we're wired.

Women were created by God to be inherently relational. This means we're always checking in, asking ourselves, "How's she doing? How's she doing? How's SHE doing?"

This is a reflection of our tender hearts and compassionate natures. It's a beautiful thing that makes us excellent mamas, wives, and friends.

Where we get tripped up is when we follow that first question with, "How am I doing compared with her?"

Hold up. That's not helpful.

If we fall short, then we're insecure.

If we're doing better, then we're prideful.

If her life seems harder, then we don't feel entitled to our pain.

God's answer? Focus on your own story.

In a biblical passage I find a bit funny (it's okay to think that, right?), Jesus and Peter are having a heart-to-heart. Another disciple walks up and in his typical style, Peter asks, "What about him, Lord?" Jesus has an even better question, "What is that to you?" And then, "As for you, follow me." (John 21)

Your story belongs to you. God doesn't compare it (or you) to anyone else and you don't have to either.

Big sigh of relief.

So as write the rest of our stories together (and live them out with others), let's go for these three steps: share, care, prayer. And skip the compare.

(Unless you get THE COOLEST JEANS on sale. Comparing prices totally doesn't count. You'd better reveal the deal, sister. I'm just saying...)

p.s. I'm leaving today for Blissdom, a blogging conference in Nashville. I'm so excited about seeing some of you in person! It does tend to bring out those Junior High insecurities, so I'd appreciate your prayers. (: I'll be praying for you too! Did you see my prayer for you yesterday?

There will still be new posts each day and I'll be checking in!

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TODAY'S QUESTION: What is God doing in YOUR story right now?

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Comments

[POUT]

AIYEE! What is God doing in my story right now? This is one of those questions I need to think on and develop. One thing is certain, He is moving me into ministry in a big way (for me). It's kinda like being back in high school for me. I was always so busy with several worthwhile activities. I've discovered anew that I am not content to take things slow. how better to spend my time than in the ministery. I just need to maintain balance and make time for the rest of the family. I need to remember they are part of my story too.

[Suzanne Rowe]

Dear Holley,
I struggle with this All. Of. The. Time. As I mentioned when you asked the question regarding Direction/Goals that I can feel like if someone else has the same or even just a similar idea, then I figure, well, I must have heard wrong because somebody else would be waaaaay more gifted to do that than me. And I also mentioned, that it's a tiring place to live.
Back in the late fall of 2009, I heard God inviting me. I love that word...invitation. I heard God inviting me to be His, all His. I heard Him inviting me and wanting me even though I have taken a red pen and marked of His story of me; even though I have failed Him over and over; even though. This God who made me and knows every stinkin'...yep, stinkin'...thing about me, wants me.
For most of my life, I have felt like one of many who loved Jesus and wanted to be close to God. But, I'm realizing...well, actually, the Spirit is getting it through my thick head and heart, that Jesus most definitely sees the many but He also sees and knows and wants the one.
So, what's God doing in my life right now? He's allowing my heart to play catch up. He's letting me see and know and experience that He has way more for me than I ever could imagine. I don't sense a job change or even a huge life change...I just sense this beautiful invitation to cease striving and know that He is God, to cease striving and know that He is exactly who He says He is, to cease striving and start embracing what He's been waiting to give.

Grace,
Suzanne

By the way...enjoy Nashville. You'll be in my neck of the woods. If you have the chance, head to Brentwood and go to the "Puffy Muffin." The only thing you'll be comparing there is desserts! :)

[Becky]

Dear Holley,

You most certainly have my prayers. :)

Today's question is one that is difficult for me to answer, too, because I have a hard time understanding His ways. Well, that's kind of silly to say because no one can fully understand His ways. But, maybe you know what I mean. Primarily, I believe God is continuing to heal me. He has given me you, all of these other wonderful Heart-to-Hearters, and a couple other wonderfully wise and loving ladies to keep me focused on my journey to healing and I appreciate that because I tend to think I should be doing more. I also think he keeps bringing me closer to Him. I love how this time in my life has brought me right into His arms. I want to know Him better and to grow in my faith and I believe He's doing that, too. Just last Sunday, I was personally invited to attend a woman's retreat at a church I've attended but do not belong to. I'm excited about that opportunity. Wow. You know what? I'm thrilled about what you've had us write about today. Having written what I've just written makes me see that God is pretty busy in my life. What a way to start the day. Thank you so much, Holley!

and Blessings!

[nancy]

What is God doing??? in MY story??? Right now God is holding me close, loving me, sustaining me, lifting my head, protecting, providing, encouraging, forgiving... He does those things and so much more all of the time, but right now, I need to be held close and loved and sustained and... I'm tired. Emotionally, physically, mentally tired. But not spiritually tired. God is always faithful to provide everything I need for each new day, and right now there is much chaos and turmoil around me so I need His presence moment by moment. Of course I need Him just as much when surrounded by peace and comfortable circumstances, but I feel the need deeply right now, and God is here. He reminds me of that often: He is HERE... no matter where I am physically or emotionally, He is here with me... right here! God gently told me months ago that change is coming. I still don't know what that change will look like, but it really doesn't matter, because He is here...

[Stacey]

Henry Blackaby says, "God is always at work around you. It is your job to find out where He is at work and join Him in it!" So, clearly God is at work and right now He is working on me and my heart. He is saying, "Follow me one step at a time. Do not anxiously look around you and wish you could be doing other things. Just do the next thing I tell you to do." Seriously, yesterday I followed this plan throughout the day and my heart was more at ease. Not sitting and wishing I was off doing something else. But the next thing - like feed the kids or pray with my husband is really okay. The next thing is God's thing for me right now!

:)stacey

[Monica @ The Writer Chic]

Just had to pop in to say I'm SO bummed that I'm not going to be able to see you this weekend. I KNOW being at home and cancelling my BlissDom registration was the right thing to do for my baby girl, but still...... I feel like I'm missing out on SO much!

SO maybe that is where I need to stop comparing right now. Maybe I need to spend the weekend focusing on my story instead of surrounding myself with women who I can't help but compare myself (my writing, my blog, my style) to.

[Shannon]

God is making Himself heard, and making it easier for me to listen.

[Diva Kreszl]

God has definitely taught me to love and respect all the wonderful gifts he has blessed all people with though they be different from my own.

[pam]

he is giving me a peaceful life. learning to slow down and smell the roses. forgive those i dont want to forgive.

[Margie McInroe]

God is helping me to not worry. I had a major presentation to give this morning at work, first they gave me 30 minutes, then this morning changed it to 15! AUUGGGHHH! But a calm hand was on my shoulder and I said okay, I can deal with it, and it was great, it rocked! The best thing our corporate VP was there with his director. Thank you God for all your support and not worrying

[Peggy Schafer]

God is reminding me how awesome and powerful prayer is! Its been awhile since I was on the receiving end of prayers. But in the past 2 days my outlook has come around 100%. And I owe it all to God my Rock and Redeemer who promises to give us the "joy of the Lord". I still face the same issue that had gotten me down so very low last week, but I am contentedly burrowed into the arms of my Father. Thank you so much prayer warriors!!!

[Maura]

Use Me

YOU use me in everyday
things I do not even see
It is so easy to be blind
to miss Your Lead

YOU use me in the small things
that add up to much more
Than I will ever see and know
YOU know me to the core

YOU know the gifts YOU’ve given me
how to use each one
where and when to serve
bringing glory to Your Son

So use me LORD
Please don’t stop
Use me though
I may know not

When and where
how and who
My heart’s desire
is to glorify YOU!

[shanthi]

God is shaping my future and he told me to set aside all anxieties and wait ...They also serve who stand and wait....He ia an awesome God

[Becky]

Maura, that's beautiful in many more ways than one! Thank you for sharing that!

[Tracy]

God is teaching me to let go.

[Mary Beth]

Seems like everywhere I turn lately that I am left with something to think about. Patience is a virtue and I am learning to "Be Still". I know that he is working in my life right now. I can feel it and I know that it is going to be good! Thank you all for your posts. Not only is it comforting to hear that I am not the only one with tribulations but hearing your faith, love and joy come through your words is awesome. It picks me up ~
God's blessings to all of you.

[Melinda]

God is showing me His strength in my weakness.
He is also teaching my His presence.

My daughter who just turned 13 last month has wanted to go live with her Dad for 2 years. Because he abused me,was addicted to porn when we were married, and was a very secretive man otherwise I kept telling her no. I was also abused emotionally by my mother and sexually by my father when I was small.

Having just taken over as youth leader at our church. I guess satan was pretty angry with my progress that gave God glory.

Two and a a half weeks ago my ex showed up on my front door accusing me of child abuse and he had been talking to my mother. Thank God for a christian counselor, and other women of God in group therapy. My mother in law told us my daughter told her that I locked her in her room and only gave her bread and water when she asked to go to her Dad's.

My Pastor and church have been so supportive and I know that is God's love for me.

I keep comparing myself with everyone since then. Especially mothers. I am trying to mother my other 3 girls and break down out of the blue everywhere. My husband is so supportive of me as well.

I know however Christ alone can comfort me. My comparison to Him and what He has done is what keeps me going.

[Sandi]

God is trying to have me slow down. He is also trying to heal me of past problems. He is revealing more to me so I understand things more deeply now as I draw closer to him.

[Melinda]

Holley,

May God bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you. I pray for safe travel and that you would be ministered to in the awesome way God has used you in our lives. May His presence be tangible and may God show you His glory. In Jesus name, Amen

[Paula Jean]

That was a beautiful prayer you shared yesterday, Holley. Thank you!

Of course I will pray for you. Have fun at Blissdom!

Right now, I feel like God is telling me to pay attention to my life, my journey. To remember the basics and to apply them. Your post today reminded me of this.

[PSM]

God is compassionate toward me when my communication attempts are misunderstood. When my salmon supper is a failure with my family, God smiles on me for making the effort. My Father is there for me as I miss my dad. He went home 15 weeks and 2 days ago. The last time I heard his voice was on my birthday when he called to wish me a happy birthday and he sang "happy birthday to you! happy birthday to you!" on a voicemail when I didn't answer the first time. God is walking with me through this time of grieving.

[Lennette Daniels]

What is God doing for me right now? Holding me up when I feel like falling down. My 14 year old is going through some anxiety and depression which leads to moodiness, ungratefulness, mean words and generally making me feel unappreciated. He is holding my hand while I help my baby to heal and be whole.

[Kristen@Moms Sharpening Moms]

Just so you know, I am lovin' this series somethin' fierce.

Well, in typical God fashion, He is mowing right through my insecurities and fears with new challenges and opportunities. Starting next week, I'm going to lead a Bible study for the first time ever. As long as I don't throw up or have an accident, I'll believe I'm doing OK. :)

Have a great time at Blissdom! Praying for you!

[Jenni Saake "InfertilityMom"]

I love how you captured these thoughts:
"Women were created by God to be inherently relational. This means we're always checking in, asking ourselves, 'How's she doing? How's she doing? How's SHE doing?'

"This is a reflection of our tender hearts and compassionate natures. It's a beautiful thing that makes us excellent mamas, wives, and friends.

"Where we get tripped up is when we follow that first question with, 'How am I doing compared with her?'"

Great perspective on how we are wired and what's good about that as well as when/how it becomes unhealthy. I've read a lot about how we shouldn't compare, and yet we do compare so I never could quite put the pieces together about how that all could work. You have stated it beautifully! Thanks once again!

I also loved the line, "If her life seems harder, then we don't feel entitled to our pain." Great reminder that pain is pain and God authors each story with unique, loving care and we are still allowed to fully feel/live our own stories, even when walking along side others through their own.

How an amazing time at Blissdom. Praying peace and joyful anticipation for you right now. {{{hug}}}

[Doris]

Hi, Holley -
Enjoy Blissville! Bless and be blessed, girlfriend-I've-never-met, and know we're there with you in spirit if not in person. :-)

What's God doing in my story right now? Having me tidy up and prepare for the purchasers He's about to bring in to see my house, which He has had me put up for sale. (Know anybody who wants a year-round waterfront home with a private Christian library in a beautiful setting on Lake Nipissing? Great fishing, boating, swimming, hiking, hunting, bird-watching....

Just thought I'd ask.

dhowie@ohzone.net :-)