Enough

Sometimes I want to stop being the me that I am. I'd like to try on someone else's skin for awhile, climb inside and out of mine, just to know if all minds whirl as mine does, if the same insecurities rattle inside all of our chests.

I'm going to the She Speaks conference in a week and a half. I have already tried on everything I own. I'm convinced that if I find just the right thing then I will be okay, I will be right, they will like me.

Do you know this feeling? I had this idea as an awkward teenager that it would one day go...drifting somewhere into the sky. I would come home to myself and I would not care what others wore, what they thought, if I were cool or not.

But I do care, oh yes, I do.

It's a shameful thing to admit--like saying I eat gallons of ice cream in the night. But I indulge in this insecurity more often than I'd like. I know good Christian girls aren't supposed to do so. But I'm not always a good Christian girl. Are any of us?

So I try on shirts, slip on shoes, wonder if I am good, enough, pretty enough, smart enough...

And then yes, I hear it, a whisper in my heart that does say ENOUGH.

This "enough" ends with a period. It is more like a command, a declaration, that works past my insecurity and settles my heart.

The voice of the One Who Loves Me draws me back, tells me I am His, that I am right, and lovely, and just as I am created to be.

I sigh, listen, breathe deeply of these words and will them from head to heart.

I stare in the mirror with new eyes, ones that see perhaps a glimpse of what He does...not the woman I am but the one I am becoming.

She is beautiful because she is loved--imperfections and all.

And this, somehow, for this moment, is ENOUGH.

Comments

[Sarah (GenMom)]

Wonderful post and so true! Have a great time and enjoy every minute thoroughly!

God Bless,

[Krista]

Great post.; thanks for sharing your heart. I love to read your blogs--you seem to be able to say the things I cannot.

[Dawn]

Holley,

I'll be in the crowd at She Speaks as well. This is my first She Speaks conference and be assured we're all thinking the same thing. Am I enough? Do I have what it takes? God, are you sure? In asking those questions this week God gave me these words of encouragement: "When Adam awoke after I breathed in him My breath of life what was the first thing he saw? He saw Me (God). I AM that close to you right now breathing my Spirit into your lungs so that every word you speak, every word you write will be My Word." May these words be an encouragement to you as well as God breathes on you His precious breath of life.

[Joanne Reese]

Holley, I can so relate to this post. I spent hours trying to decide what I would wear to Mount Hermon, only to be tortured by my choices after returning home. Something on the inside of me still needs healing ... trusting God to sent the balm (like your post today) for places that need it most.

I appreciate your honesty. Most are not willing to take that chance. A courageous heart like yours will usher the healing in for so many.

[Janine Petry]

Holley, Thank you for this post, for your honesty, and for the redirection to what really matters. These words were timely and confirmed the tug on my heart as well. I too have been thinking about what to wear to She Speaks (my first time), wondering WHO I am, and looking into the mirror at all angles to find out. And inside me, there's a fight going on between setting my mind on things above and just settling for what's right in front of me. You're not alone. We're enough because Christ's work is sufficient in us. Bless you, Janine :)

[ginny martyn]

I wish you could see my bedroom floor right now! My clothing piles have formed the trenches of fashion-bleh!

[BJ Hamrick]

I know exactly what you mean. I struggle with this every day. We are enough because HE is enough. Thanks for being transparent so we can all share from our hearts.

[Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect]

I like you no matter what you wear next week. :)

[Rita]

Thank you! You give words to the thoughts,struggles and longings of my heart in such a simple but powerful way. Like water to my soul.... God Bless you.

[Bridget]

Hi Holley,
Your post is so honest and encouraging. I've been battling some insecurites about She Speaks myself. God is faithful to encourage us and He got my attention and said enough to me with these verses.
Isaiah 55:8-11. (I would type them out, but I've spent "enough" time on the computer today!!LOL)
See you there,
Bridget

[Cathy Davis]

Amen. I too shall listen for that one word w/so much meaning...enough.

Listen, I thought it was really neat the other day to go to Family Christian Store (or whatever it's called) and every card I picked up...YOU had written! I wanted to tell everyone - I know her! Because you know...I know you and all!

[Tiffany]

You expressed this so beautifully. It's SO difficult not to compare ourselves to the best in everyone. I compare myself to the super-mom who works all day and takes care of her kids, the decorating goddess, the beauty queen. However, I don't bother to compare myself to the worst aspects of those same people. It's unreasonable!

Thank you.

[Jen]

Holley,
I too will be at She Speaks...but here is the kicker...I will be meeting with you to pitch you my manuscript! So trust me, if you are wondering what to wear, you KNOW I am going out and buying a new wardrobe!! :) Actually, I am thinking we both just throw on our fave jeans and t's and grab a mocha latte!!! :) Thanks for taking the time to be there! Might God alone be glorified and only His name lifted on high!

[Lisa B @ simply His]

This struck a chord in me today. I've been hearing a lot about you from some of my bloggy friends, and I've been getting nervous about meeting you. I'm not pitching anything to you, but still I'm wondering if we'll click or not.

One of my favorite things to try and remember is that we often compare our insides to "their" outsides. Apples and oranges for sure.

I can tell you that I will not care what you have on, but I hope the one thing you will wear is a smile. And it's nice to know that publishers, etc are human too ;)

[The Nester]

Maybe we should all wear blindfolds and ear plugs? Wait, suddenly that doesn't sound like much fun.

I for one cannot wait to lay my hands on you and give you a big hug!