I Don't Have it All Together

I've been looking at my last few posts--Louie Awards, book signings, devotionals. And I'm afraid you might start believing something that just isn't true. For example, that I have it all together.  

So let's just set the record straight. I don't have it all together. Not now, not ever. I'm a mess, really. I was actually saying those words as I walked into Barnes & Noble for my book signing last night. I was so nervous that I couldn't eat dinner. I felt like I had something in my nose (that always happens when I'm tense). And as I walked across the parking lot I just kept saying to my husband, "I'm a mess. I'm a mess."

Ironically, those words made me feel better. Because there is this temptation to climb up on some sort of pedestal. I think as women we all feel it (or at least I hope I'm not the only one). We want people to think we're cool, smart, beautiful, or whatever it is we value because then we'll be loved. But I've tried it enough times to know that the pedestal is no fun and certainly not where I want to live.

And the truth is, I really am a mess. I struggle with anxiety and depression at times. I have my whole life. I've fussed at my husband twice today about totally stupid things. I'm insecure quite often even though it doesn't show. I forget to eat my fruits and vegetables. I kill plants. I hate to iron. I'm bad at asking for help. I let myself get worn out a lot. I whine. I can't accessorize to save my life. Decorating makes me hyperventilate. I have trouble being content. I drool excessively in my sleep.

The list could be a lot longer, let me assure you. But I think you've got my point. So just in case any of you were getting any sort of idea that I might be someone I'm not...just let that crazy idea go.

I believe we're really all a lot more alike than different. And we're all just trying to be a little more like Jesus. Because that's what it's all about in the end, right?

Barnes & Noble Book Signing

Update: Here are a few fun pics from the book signing! Thanks so much to everyone who stopped by!

 

I got to do the book signing with my fabulous friend and talented writer Gwen Ford Faulkenberry. She was signing her devotional A Beautiful Life and her Christian romance novel Love Finds You in Romeo, Colorado.

 

These are a few of my wonderful girlfriends--Andrea, Tena, and Kathleen.

 

And one of my favorite families, our dear friends Heather and Tony with little ones Micah and Lily.

I wish I had gotten a picture of everyone. When I'm nervous I tend to forget important things like how to spell my name (story below) and that there is a camera sitting right in front of me! I really appreciate all of you who were there and those of you who were thinking of me even if you couldn't make it!

I'm getting ready for a Rain on Me book signing at our local Barnes & Noble tonight. It's a bit of a "pinch me" moment. (Hopefully I won't blow that this time by walking into the men's bathroom and/or spelling my own name wrong.) I keep thinking about how God has brought me through the desert and into this place where I'm finally seeing blessings flow out of my pain. This devotional from Rain on Me describes my heart on that subject so I wanted to share it with you today...

The “Yes” You Never Expected

He stilled the storm to a whisper;

the waves of the sea were hushed.

                                         Psalm 107:29

A few years ago, a coworker came rushing up to my desk with good news to share. She exclaimed, “A greeting card you wrote has been nominated for an award!” I asked her what kind of card it was, and she replied, “Baby congratulations.”

After she walked away from my desk, I sat in stunned silence for a few moments as I considered the irony. An infertile woman might receive an award for a baby congratulations card!

As I looked back over the last few years, several other similar instances came to mind. I unexpectedly got to help develop a line of baby gifts. I published three books for children.

Slowly the Lord began to reveal something to my heart. I sensed Him softly whispering, I’ve said yes to every prayer that has been prayed for new life to come through you. It has just been in a different way than you expected. As I absorbed those words, tears came to my eyes. I knew it was true.

I also knew that I had believed a lie. That lie went something like, “You did something wrong, and so God is saying no to your prayers.” I thought if I could just be better, then somehow I could earn what I wanted.

Now, though, I suddenly realized God had been saying yes all along. In that moment God “stilled the storm to a whisper” in my life. Before then all I could hear was the rain pounding against my heart, and the steady beat sounded like no, no, no, no.

You’ve heard that sound, haven’t you? Late at night, when all is quiet. In the middle of the day, when you’re caught off guard by a painful longing or unwelcome memory. In the morning, when you wake up to another day where things are not as they should be.

Yet if we listen closer, there is another sound. It’s the heartbeat of our Heavenly Father. And it’s always yes, yes, yes, yes. Even when we don’t understand, yes. Even when it’s different than what we expected, yes. Even when it seems as if nothing good is happening at all, yes.

Over the next few months, five people told me on separate occasions that they felt God was going to bring new life through my words. I hadn’t told any of them what God had revealed to my heart, and it was further confirmation of what I’d sensed to be true. Not having a child still hurt, but I also found renewed peace in knowing that God was at work.

Perhaps it’s time for you to ask your Heavenly Father to “still the storm to a whisper” in your life and help you hear His voice in a new way. You just may discover a no in your life is actually a yes you never expected.

Hold Out Hope (Busy Day Giveaway)

 

Update: Congratulations to Jana! She's the winner of this week's giveaway. If you'd still like to get a pack of Colors of Compassion cards, you can find them on DaySpring.com by clicking here. There are 14 different designs to choose from and part of the proceeds benefit Compassion International. If you use coupon code LIFE20 before June 1 you'll get an extra 20% off!

Hope is more than just a word—
it’s a state of being.
It’s a firm belief that
even if you don’t know how,
even if you don’t know when,
God will come through
and better days are ahead.
Life sends rain...
Hope dances in the puddles
until the sun comes out again.
—Holley Gerth

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. HEBREWS 11:1 NIV

 

I'm still catching up from my trip so I'm just doing a quick giveaway today! To win a pack of six of these cards ($20 value) from DaySpring's Colors of Compassion line leave a comment before midnight on Thursday. Part of the profits from these cards help Compassion International.