I Don't Have it All Together

I've been looking at my last few posts--Louie Awards, book signings, devotionals. And I'm afraid you might start believing something that just isn't true. For example, that I have it all together.  

So let's just set the record straight. I don't have it all together. Not now, not ever. I'm a mess, really. I was actually saying those words as I walked into Barnes & Noble for my book signing last night. I was so nervous that I couldn't eat dinner. I felt like I had something in my nose (that always happens when I'm tense). And as I walked across the parking lot I just kept saying to my husband, "I'm a mess. I'm a mess."

Ironically, those words made me feel better. Because there is this temptation to climb up on some sort of pedestal. I think as women we all feel it (or at least I hope I'm not the only one). We want people to think we're cool, smart, beautiful, or whatever it is we value because then we'll be loved. But I've tried it enough times to know that the pedestal is no fun and certainly not where I want to live.

And the truth is, I really am a mess. I struggle with anxiety and depression at times. I have my whole life. I've fussed at my husband twice today about totally stupid things. I'm insecure quite often even though it doesn't show. I forget to eat my fruits and vegetables. I kill plants. I hate to iron. I'm bad at asking for help. I let myself get worn out a lot. I whine. I can't accessorize to save my life. Decorating makes me hyperventilate. I have trouble being content. I drool excessively in my sleep.

The list could be a lot longer, let me assure you. But I think you've got my point. So just in case any of you were getting any sort of idea that I might be someone I'm not...just let that crazy idea go.

I believe we're really all a lot more alike than different. And we're all just trying to be a little more like Jesus. Because that's what it's all about in the end, right?

Comments

[Kristina]

Holley, That's why I llke reading your posts. I can relate to you. You make me feel more comfortable about my "beautiful anomalies." Thanks for writing what you do!

[Terrie]

Thank you! I so am with you in the "I am a mess" catagory, but so very thankful that Jesus is right there beside me. Love your posts, so very real

[Becky Avella]

Thank you for such an honest post. I need to remember more often to show the real me on my blog and not just the edited version. I have a habit of cropping the mess out. : )

[Myrna]

Isn't it great how Jesus accepts us with our faults and messed up selves no matter what?!

I could totally relate to you about feeling like I'm a mess. Many times I've told God that myself as I feel that way a lot.

Thanks for sharing your heart with us once again!

Blessings on you, Holley!

[Barbara in SoCal]

Holley I think you are precious! I get it and that's why I love reading your posts. As long as we give God the glory, I think we can "toot our horn" when we accomplish a dream. Sure we made mistakes along the way - we are human. The older I get the more humble I get! Thanks for keeping it real!

[Kathie]

Welcome to the 'normal, crazy' life! We're all in this craziness together! You sound pretty normal to me. Lighten up sis and have a great day!

[Marta]

Holley, so glad you are so real. Love reading your emails. They make me laugh, but also have quite a bit to think about. Bless you dear sister.

[Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect]

I'm a mess, too. And I love the fact that you're open enough to tell us not just THAT you're a mess...but exactly HOW. :) You make me - and it looks like a lot of folks - feel so comfortable here, and that's the kind of friend I'm so thankful to have.