The Super-Duper Quick and Easy Encouragement Guide

As a greeting card writer people often say to me with fear and trembling, “I want to encourage others...but what do I say?” I know that look in their eyes. It’s the same one I get when I try to cook or decorate. (Yes, it’s true. I could write a book about a party but I’m not sure I’ve got the skills to actually throw one.)

That’s why I love those recipes that have five ingredients, take ten minutes, and make you look like you’re the queen of the kitchen. The five tips below are intended to work the same way when it comes to encouraging someone. Those you care about will feel loved, you’ll breathe a sigh of relief, and with all your free time you can send me an e-mail about how to be more domestic.

Here are five simple words you need to remember when it comes to encouragement...

1) Small – Most people receive applause for the big things in life. Promotions, new babies, and consistently great hair get a lot of attention. But few of us get told when we do the little things well. Choose something you think no one else has noticed and say something.

2) Specific – It’s easy to give global compliments. The word “special” has gotten a bad rap for this reason. It sounds good…but what exactly does it mean? Show you’re paying attention by making the compliment like a little gift you picked out just for that person. For example, “I love the way you snort when you laugh because it sounds like a train whistle.”

3) Sincere – Flattery is always a no-no. On the other hand, don’t let this make you clam up. I have this internal dialogue that runs through my head every time I get ready to give a compliment. It goes something like, “Do I mean it? What if I think I meant it but I might not mean it but I do think I mean it but they don’t think I mean it?” So I’m saying to both of us right now, stop it. The fact that we’re worried about it means we mean it. Enough already…spit it out.

4) Sensitive – This doesn’t mean that you need to hand them a kitten and share some cotton candy. Sensitivity simply means being aware of your audience. Know what makes them feel loved. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a great resource. He says there are five primary ways we give and receive love: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch, and Gifts. I’ve been talking primarily about words (that’s mine) but for the one you love it might be someone else. Be a detective and figure it out.

5) Spiritual – Finally, we all want to have a greater meaning in purpose in life. But while we’re busy washing dishes, changing diapers, or going to meetings that can seem far away. Help those you love connect the dots by saying things like, “The way you nurture your kids reminds me of God’s heart for us.”

Mix all of the above, combine with prayer, and share generously. You’ll be the Rachel Ray of encouragement before you know it. And everyone will be coming back for more.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. I THESSALONIANS 5:11 NIV

Comments

[Jeanette Levellie]

Holley: This is a tremendous post. And I mean it! "Five Love Languages" changed our lives and marriage for the better. It is so helpful to know what a person responds to, so you can fill up their emotional gas tank in the way they need. I work retail, and sometimes I ask God to help me understand each person I meet during the day, so I can relate to them as individuals. Everyone is valuable and lovable and important.
Thank you for this wisdom, Jeanette

[Linda]

Great post, Holley! Thanks so much for sharing it.

To all of you out there who wish to encourage-- go for it! :) The Holy Spirit is incredible in how He leads us to reach out. I have also found great blessings in encouraging those in ministry, Christian leaders, authors, speakers, as well as others whether in the front lines or behind the scenes. My life is so much richer because of the friendships which have developed through simply dropping someone a word of encouragement when prompted by God.

Be yourself, you have so much to offer and will bless others by the gifts God has placed in you. Just as Holley touches others with her words, God will minister to and through you in incredible and life impacting ways. You are an wonderful vessel through which the Holy Spirit can move and minister.

[Jesse]

Great post Holley. A perfect reference for the future! Thanks...